“It’s Miller Time, motherfuckers. It’s ALWAYS Miller Time.”
Baseball is America’s pastime in the same way that Bowling is a way of life for rural Midwestern towns. The actual sport itself depends greatly on everyone else getting drunk. If you ever had a professional baseball game that didn’t serve beer, Americans would start rioting faster than a bunch of British hooligans after their soccer team gets relegated. As a result, baseball players themselves have to go out of their way to let you know how American they are. In a league full of Neifi Perezes, the Babe Ruth-like figures are hard to come by.
Even today’s superstars leave something lacking. Yes, Derek Jeter was sleeping with Buddy Garrity’s daughter, but wasn’t A-Rod seeing dinosaur-Madonna? That’s a bad way to go. Think about that. The richest baseball player in the history of the game was, at one point, dating… This.
Fortunately, every once in a while, a true American is born, and instead of deciding to become a fighter pilot or mixologist, he chooses the path of baseball, and figures, if you’re going to do something well, might as well do something drunk. That man may come along only once in a generation, and our generation’s American baseball hero happens to be Hall of Famer, and Miller Lite enthusiast, Wade Boggs.
Pictured here, during the physical act of lovemaking