Tag Archives: the slinger

The Most American Restaurants of: CHICAGO

“Second city?  More like fifth coronary, amiright?”

~AFFotD Food Critic, John Goodman

America loves to eat.  That shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone.  When you live in a country that has 14,000 McDonalds, 7,500 Pizza Huts, and 6,500 Dunkin’ Donuts, you know that you have a pretty large population of people who live to stuff their faces.  But while fast food chains are appropriately American, getting you unhealthy food quick enough that you can fat fat fatty FAT, it is truly the local American restaurants that are able to really embrace American culinary ideals.  Because sure, if Hardees wants to make a burger with twice your daily allotment of fat in it, people are going to flip their shit, but if someone has a heart attack in the midst of eating a 6,000 calorie burger, it’s fucking awesome (unless that man’s family is reading this, in which case we salute him for going down like a fucking boss).

That’s why we here at AFFotD are starting our latest American feature—the most American restaurants of major American cities.

So when we think of cities that thrive on unhealthy food and have so little shame that we’re pretty sure veganism is a considered a misdemeanor by its police force, we think of the one city that we’d like to start this segment out with.

The city of fat asses broad shoulders… Chicago, Illinois.

The Most American Restaurants of:  CHICAGO

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Diners: American Drunk Food Delivery System

Where everyone knows your name.”

~That’s from Cheers, asshole

Quiz time, America.  It’s two in the morning, and you’re drunk…

“Tuesday!?”

No, stop…don’t interrupt us, we’re not asking what day it is or…

“If it’s two in the morning, and I’m drunk, it’s probably a Tuesday.  Or one of the other days that end in ‘Day.’”

…No, we know, that’s why you read AFFotD, but you have to let us finish…

“Is it right now?  Because I’m drunk right now.”

We sort of figured.  No, no, we were trying to say, hypothetically…

“I don’t know anything about math.”

You’re thinking of the word hypotenuse.  Try to focus.  You’re drunk, it’s a Tuesday, and you need to eat some greasy…

“Diner!  I’ll go to a diner!”

…Actually yes.  That’s what we’re here to talk about.

Diners:  American Drunk Food Delivery System

 

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