“Coffee coffee coffee coffee?”
As we’ve described in detail earlier, America loves coffee as it is, but that doesn’t mean we’re above making it taste like insane combinations of flavors, like coconut lime jalapeno, or like black velvet cognac. Most people like coffee, because it’s a drug, but some people don’t like the taste of coffee, because it’s the bitter bi-product of forcing boiling water through burned and crushed beans. Either way, coffee is one of the things that keeps America humming like a well drugged machine (at least until they legalize Cocaine again), and the only thing more American than coffee is America’s ability to make coffee that tricks you into thinking its cake.
Because cake is delicious, but cake that wakes you up in the morning is even more delicious. And cake that wakes you up in the morning that tastes better when you pour whiskey in it is themost delicious.
(We’re assuming that the only reason why Americans drink coffee is to give them a convenient place to empty their morning flask of whiskeys.)
Anyway, once again, it’s time for AFFotD to count through…
More of America’s Strangest Coffee Flavors
“Coffee coffee coffee coffee.”
~So-called “morning people”
People like to say that coffee is the most consumed drug in America, which is part of the reason why most heroin users think the rest of us are giant pussies. Calling coffee a drug is like calling hamburgers a serial killer. You can stretch the definition enough for it to be technically true, but everyone is still going to roll their eyes at you. Yeah, it’s addictive, but so is pornography, and people don’t call that a drug. So ease up, okay?
Yes, coffee is an integral part of the American office experience, and if it didn’t exist our nation’s productivity would slow to a crawl (unless cocaine started to become big again). But some people might not like the taste of coffee, and filling your caffeine delivery system with sugar and cream might get boring after a while.
So how would a non-coffee drinking American overcome this hurdle? How can they get the necessary caffeine to get them through the day if they don’t like the glorious bitterness that is a freshly brewed cup of coffee? Do they drink tea? Do they try cutting down on their caffeine intake, instead just getting through the day on their own natural energy afforded them through a combination of a healthy diet and good sleeping habits?
Fuck that, let’s just make coffee that doesn’t taste like coffee!
The Strangest Coffee Flavors in America