Tag Archives: Sex

AFFotD Website Review: archure.net

“I have noticed that modern trends in psychology tend to favor the Bonobo culture with Bonoboism; so myself being sexually straight, I thought perhaps I should revert to Gorillism, till I found out they are sometimes bi also.  So I will stick with being human, a straight human, one of the 75% and proud.”

~ “ARCHURE, a one man band” (no, seriously, he said that)

archure header

Strap in, folks, today’s fun fact is going to be a weird one.  Through means that we’d never be able to soberly duplicate even if we tried (this is what happens when you blackout surf the internet) we stumbled across the website for ARCHURE, who, despite what you might think, is actually a musician and not some sort of weird strange wannabe new age cultist.  Sure in his rambling, strange, made-in-1992-looking website, he manages to include dozens of links for his…music (which involves weird synchs and a generally jarringly slow pace-he claims his favorite instruments are drums and guitars but he infers he’s playing all of the instruments in the tracks, which might explain why they sound so…special) but, unlike any musician’s webpage ever ever ever, his site has devolved into a terrifying mix of militant vegetarian articles (never a way to get on our good side), strange psychological and anthropological treaties, and like a million decrees that he is not gay ARCHURE IS NOT GAY SO PLEASE STOP ASKING!

So we’re going to do an AFFotD review of archure.net’s “Sex Facts” pages (yes there are two pages) (yes they are long enough to warrant a whole website review) (yes, for the last time, this is the promotional website of a musician, please stop asking the answer will not change no matter how much you want it to) to help show you the ways that ARCHURE wants to expand your mind through more than his music.  And by the way, he is single, SINGLE AND STRAIGHT SEE FOR YOURSELF ON PLENTY OF FISH AND OKCUPID HE’S GOT BOTH ACCOUNTS LISTED ON HIS SITE BECAUSE HE IS A STRAIGHT MALE

archure is not gay

If you’re curious, the word “hetero” is hyperlinked to the Wikipedia page for Heterosexuality.

ARCHURE.  IS.  NOT.  GAY.

(ARCHURE is probably gay)

AFFotD Website Review:  archure.net (ARCHURE is not gay, though he has gay friends, nothing wrong with that)

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The Informative American Talks Sex: An Unpleasant and Often Painful Method To Create Future American Soldiers (originally published December 1953)

“But I don’t have to look at any nipples when I’m doing it, right?”

~1950’s sexual partner

While going through our daily, cough, research, we stumbled across this particular image from a 1950’s adventure magazine.  For those of you who said “clicking links is for pansies, I only ended up on this page because I waited too long to click ‘save-as’ from the google images preview page,” we’ll do you the service of explaining the magazine for you.

Yes the image if a man swimming in a sea filled with red snakes, but, there is an additional headline informing men of the 1950’s, “Sex can be FUN!”  Now, our staff usually does not discuss sexual conquest or prowess (laaaadies) because these represent moments of personal intimacy that are best left unspoken by distinguished gentlemen.  Or in our case, we get too drunk afterwards to actually write about it, and by the time we wake up we’ve probably forgotten the most relevant details (position, duration, gender, etc).  But, in spite of everything, we at AFFotD can take a pretty firm stance and say, if you have to read an article to assure you that “Sex can be fun,” you’re doing it wrong.

And apparently we’d be right, because as we were going through the archives of our 1950’s newsletters, we discovered that our predecessors had actually found the exact same article.  And, we say this a little less than proudly, they apparently were doing it wrong back then.

Uh.  That’s all the explanation we really have the stomach to describe right now.  Here, uh, is not one of our finer moments.  We’ll just show you the original article.

The Informative American Talks Sex: An Unpleasant and Often Painful Method To Create Future American Soldiers (originally published December 1953)

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