“And the Oscar goes to…”
~William Shakespeare, probably
In 1929, Hollywood held the first, “Hey guys, aren’t we awesome?” party that eventually went on to be known as the “Academy Awards.” Ever since that point, the Oscars have become a yearly tradition meant to celebrate brilliant films, powerful performances, and weird dresses. And while the Academy Awards carry with them a lot of prestige and respect within the film circles, there is one little problem with them. They are not nearly American enough.
Every year, there are notable Oscar snubs, but worse than the snubs is fact that, throughout the past 82 years, some of the most quintessential American roles have never been recognized by the Academy. We at AFFotD are here to fix that. We’re giving out official Oscars to the four American actors who have been repeatedly screwed over (most of them are on staff) by the Academy, and for good measure we’re going to commit copious amounts of assault and rob the awards from other recipients who are not nearly American enough to deserve the honor.
While this isn’t a black-tie event, tuxes are recommended (it really classes up the part where we mercilessly beat other actors). We’ll wait for you to change.
That’s better. And now, to name our post-award recipients of Academy Awards. America style.