“Beer beer, the wonderful brew, the more you drink it, the more you spew.”
~Ancient Chinese Proverb
Last week we introduced our newest weekly segment, “This Week in Beer,” where we detailed the latest trends in beer. We don’t mean to overstate its impact on your life, but we spent a few paragraphs berating the government for shutting down, leaving breweries unable to get new recipes or labels approved, and six hours after we submitted the article, the government opened again. That’s right. Remember, when everyone in America wakes up to find a pony in their front yard that has been given to them as a gift by their local Congressman, you can thank us for telling them to do that (or you can shout, “What the fuck, AFFotD, my apartment is going to be covered in pony shit” which is totally a valid response. We really didn’t think this whole pony plan through, to be honest).
An educated American is a drunk American, so we’re going to continue our quest to give you all the most relevant beer news you can, because you’re far too sober for a Tuesday right now.
This Week In Beer: October 16-October 22
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Tagged America, Baltimore, Baltimore Beer Week, Beer, Beer Pong, Blowfish, Blue Moon, Cleveland Browns, Dale's Pale Ale, Hangover, Map of America, Maryland, Massachusetts, MIT, NASCAR, Oskar Blues, This Week In Beer, Toddler Drinking a Beer, Yuengling
“Can’t we just say every state’s most American trait is their ability to get shitcanned drunk? This is a lot of work, you guys.”
~AFFotD’s Article Transcriber
As we discussed in our first “American States of America” segment, America is the greatest country on Earth, and a large reason for that is that each and every individual state has uniquely American qualities and traits. From Delaware’s beer to Connecticut’s Hamburger inventing, we went through the first five states of the union, in order of their admission, as the beginning of a ten part series going through every state and telling you why exactly they are awesome.
“I’ll ask one more time- how much have you had to drink, Mr. Roosevelt?”
~I don’t understand the officer, question
We hope you’re sitting down as you read this. Well, mainly because it’s shocking news, but also because it’d be sort of weird if you were reading this on your computer while standing up. No one likes the guy that has one of those walking-desks. Don’t by that guy. But we digress.
What we are here to tell you is that, despite America being, well, America…there are states among us that have barbaric laws limiting how much, or when, you can purchase alcohol. While some of these we will begrudgingly accept (try as we want to fight it, it seems that the government isn’t ready to endorse our “let liquor stores operate out of schools” proposal) others are downright archaic, making us wonder out loud if these state governments are run by the town from Footloose. Because where there is no booze, as we all know, there is no dancing.
“But AFFotD, that’s terrible! Just hearing about the regulation of alcohol gets me so mad I want to chug a bottle of tequila until I pass out and wake up wondering if the blood on my hands came from an animal or a person,” you no doubt just gargled at your computer screen mid-booze-chug. We are aware, and that’s why we’re here to help, giving you a comprehensive guide to the states you should avoid, you know, if you like alcohol.
America’s Most Alcohol Restrictive States