“I Scream, you scream, we all scream, NO. NO, STOP IT. STOP IT JAPAN. JUST, NO!”
One of our longest running segments on this site has been “Goddamn it Japan, You’re Doing it Wrong,” where we look at classic American products and foods that Japan has gone, well, batshit insane with. Not to break the fourth wall or let you in on our writing process here (it involves, just, so much alcohol, and just a hint of xenophobia that’s probably going to age really horribly over the next five years) but we love writing these posts. We get to talk about American foods we love (like Doritos, or Kit Kats), we get to talk about flavors of these things that we love that are so abhorrent and disgusting that we take on a tone of unearned righteous indignation, and finally, we get comments from the kind of people who get really upset when a website whose banner has a grizzly bear holding a shotgun in front of an American Flag talks shit about Japan. We cannot stress enough how much we love it when this happens. People get so mad, and we’re not saying that the only people who feel this way are white men who have visited Japan and “got into the culture a bit too much” ifyouknowwhatwe’resaying, but we’re totally saying that.
People write fucking novels, and we typically respond with a shrug.
Our favorite part of this is the “well, I’ve only been to Japan for three weeks, BUT!”
So yes, this is us basically fucking daring you guys to get offended at this segment, which might defeat the purpose, but that’s beside the point. We’re going to talk about how Japan fucks up ice cream, and oh God, do they know how to fuck up ice cream.
Goddamn it Japan, You’re Doing it Wrong: Japanese Ice Cream Flavors