Tag Archives: Guns

The 5 Most Expensive American Guns Ever Sold In Auction

“Pew pew pew.  That’ll be a million dollars, please.”

~Gun Auctioneers, Probably?

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America loves and hates guns more than any other country in the world, though apparently Serbia is trying their best to give us a run for our money.  We’re not here to talk about gun laws or crime in the nation, because God that just sounds like a fucking chore.  So instead, we’re going to talk about very old guns that were purchased by very rich (presumably white and old) people, because no matter what you think about gun culture, it is pretty wild to imagine spending a million dollars on some two hundred year old metal contraption that could maybe still kill a person.

The 5 Most Expensive American Guns Ever Sold In Auction

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Holy Smoke Bullets are PEOPLE!

“*Unintelligible rage gargle*”

~Steven Seagal


America knows how to do vengeance pretty well.  Sure, England burned down our White House, but we helped shut down their longest running newspaper.  Yeah, Japan sneak attacked us at Pearl Harbor, but…you know…boom.  Once we figured out how much of a scam Columbia Record Club was, we ran those bastards out of business.  The point is, America loves getting even almost as much as it loves fatty food, and lord knows how America loves its fatty food.  In fact, if there’s only one thing that overshadows our insatiable revenge-fueled blood lust, it’s our pure-insanity driven invention ideas.

Now, we don’t talk about guns a lot here, because normally we’re busy eating double cheeseburgers, and we’re legally prohibited from discussing certain grease related accidental gun discharges until the judge sets a court date.  But, guns are extremely exciting for most Americans, and are even better than alcohol at artificially inflating your self-esteem.

We’re not gun nuts or anything, we just want to point out that Die Hard would have been a lot less exciting if Bruce Willis was using mace or a tazer or something.  Which is why our interest was piqued when we saw the perfect insane American invention that takes all the confidence building of guns, all the craziness of most of our inventions, and combines the two to scoop out delicious ladles-full of vengeance.

What we’re trying to say is…some glorious bastards in Alabama decided to make bullets out of dead people.

Lock and load, motherfuckers.

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