“Heh. Penis.”

~Just About Every Male Vandal

It’s 2019 now, so why not start things off with the article that will finally cause Google to de-list us from their search engine? Listen, we’ve never been one to shy away from a dick joke.

Hell, we even wrote an entire article that was just a list of entertainers whose names are sort of dick jokes that have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A whole article! But in general, we like to keep our stuff respectable, decent, with just a few dick jokes scattered throughout our otherwise serious reporting. You know, serious reporting such as books about drinking pee, or weird burritos.

So if you think that jokes about male genitalia are “juvenile” or “un-refined” or “no, sorry, I just don’t really care for the taste of alcohol, that’s all” then you are more than welcome to read one of our many articles on topics that weren’t clearly suggested by giggling 14-year-olds. May we suggest our series on goofy photos of former presidents?

But for those of you who are still with us, we are here to talk about penis vandalism. Yes, much like the Netflix mockumentary American Vandal. Only, we’re not limiting ourselves to dicks drawn on a bunch of cars. (Seriously if you have not watched American Vandal, do so, you’ll appreciate it.) We’re looking much, much bigger (Heh. Nice).

Because sure, any amateur can carve a dick in freshly poured concrete, or into a school desk, or on a tree (preferably inside on of the giant TJ <3S AD hearts). But that’s small potatoes. This is the big league. And only a true master can pull off the following phallic phenomenon.

10 Places Humans Actually Decided to Draw a Dick

(warning, this article will contain many pictures of crudely drawn penises. So if a tall arch and two circles offends your sensibilities, here’s an article about how the recipe for Mac and Cheese was stolen from a slave who committed suicide at the age of 36. So yeah, maybe there are things other than 2-D dicks out there to get upset about maybe?)

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