“I said put down the Peeps, for God’s sake!”
There are three kinds of people in America. Children, people who still love Peeps because they remember their childhood fondly, and people who think Peeps are way too sweet for their taste and/or are diabetic and don’t want to fall into another Easter coma. But no matter what category you fall into, it’s important to remember that there is no ego to the marshmallow Peep—if you went up to someone obsessive with Peeps and said, “I think Peeps are gross, the texture is weird and they’re too sweet” they’d probably just shrug and go, “Yeah, I can see that. I like them, though.”
That’s because the question of if you like Peeps or not depends on if you like mainlining sugar into your system until the world starts to vibrate around you, with a secondary question of if you like your world-altering sucrose delivery system to be soft and fluffy, or left out a few days so it’s a bit stale in a weirdly appealing way. Either way, when you think of Peeps, you think of mutilated faux-chickens that all taste the same no matter what color they come in. And you would be wrong.
Strangely, not only are there flavors of Peeps other than “Impossibly Sweet,” there are over a dozen, and just about every single one seems like a horrible idea. Like, a two-article–spanning amount of badness. This is what happens when you mess with perfection, people. Or, like, just try to add weird flavors to things that don’t need any more flavor.
The Grossest Marshmallow Peeps Flavors