“If you make the President really dumb, that’s, like, a political statement, right?”
So far in our aggressively inclusive list of American Fictional Presidents, we’ve had a lot of Presidents who were bad for a variety of reasons. Some let a bunch of nukes fly, some literally ended the world, one was a goddamn werewolf, but all of them were bad or irresponsible in their own way. Not much is going to change with this lot, though the next ten fake Presidents will at least, by and large, manage to avoid blowing up the whole damn place. Anyway, here are more Presidents from movies we arbitrarily decided to rank.
Every Fictional President in Film History: Ranked (#100-91—A Lot of Dummies)
100: Scary Movie 3 (2003) and Scary Movie 4 (2006)
Leslie Nielsen as President Baxter Harris
Like the last President in our last article, Leslie Nielsen plays an inept President dealing with a first contact situation. His basic traits here are like, “kind of racist”, “kind of dumb” and “knocks over a lot of shit.” So he’s not an evil President, and he even ends up saving the day in Scary Movie 3, but like, come on, this is the Scary Movie franchise, we’re not going to put him up any higher than, like, on-par with a bad George W. Bush parody.
99: American Dreamz (2006)
Dennis Quaid as President Joseph Staton
Speaking of bad George W. Bush parodies, meet President Staton. And he goes on as a guest judge for American Dreamz, with a fucking Z, which in itself is a bad caricature of American Idol. And the token Arabic contestant who performs on the show is a part of a terrorist cell who want to kill the President with a suicide bomb during the final round. How the fuck can a movie be only 12 years old and still age this poorly?
98: Men in White (1998)
Barry Bostwick as President Smith
In 1998, because reasons, National Lampoon released a made-for-TV spoof of Men in Black. In it, President Smith is played off as…well basically an idiot. Like, seems like a nice enough guy, but just a real doofus. There, we’ve saved you from ever having to watch this movie. You’re welcome.
97: Dave (1993)
Kevin Kline as President Bill Mitchell
Before you get mad to see Dave this low, this is not about the President we see in the majority of Dave. This is the President who had a stroke during an extramarital affair, and who had some pretty low approval ratings at the time, and had a super corrupt set of advisors. Bad President.
96: Nothing But the Truth (2008)
Scott Williamson as President Lyman
This movie is all about like, reporters, and naming sources and stuff. The President barely appears in this movie, but in it he survives an assassination attempt, and uses it as an excuse to launch a retaliatory strike against Venezuela. Which, like, we get, we’d probably be a bit pissed off too in the same position.
95: X-Men 2 (2003)
Cottor Smith as President George McKenna
After almost getting assassinated by Nightcrawler, the President let some pretty shady shit go down on his watch, though he ultimately shies away from his blind “all mutants are bad” approach.
Also, it totally looks like this secret service agent is threatening to shoot off his dick in this photo. We are contractually obligated to point that out.
94: Behind Enemy Lines II: Axis of Evil (2006)
Peter Coyote as United States President Adair T. Manning
President Manning almost starts a full-scale war with North Korea, which doesn’t happen thanks to the US Navy SEAL who finds himself, quite fittingly, behind enemy lines. Thankfully he didn’t actually start a war, and as far as anyone outside of Black Ops is concerned, he led the country very smoothly. That said, nearly starting a war is an automatic demerit.
93: The Sentinel (2006)
David Rasche as President John Ballentine
Here we have another President who is on the wrong end of an assassination plot. Guys, you better get ready for that, because there are a lot of Presidents coming up whose whole deal was “they were an assassination target.” Like most of the “we’re gonna try to assassinate you” entries you’re going to eventually come across, we don’t know much about how he is as a President. He probably was okay? But unlike the other Presidents on this list, he ends up firing the guy who saved his ass, which he loses points for. Admittedly, said Secret Service agent was banging the First Lady, which is probably a big no-no in the old employee handbook, but still.
92: First Family (1980)
Bob Newhart as President Manfred Link
According to the First Lady in the film’s trailer, “Millions of people [wish he was a street conductor]” so, shockingly, Bob Newhart does not play a historically respected President. Plus he ends up partly responsible for a bunch of Americans getting kidnapped, somehow, like it had something to do with “white people were kidnapped so they could feel like a minority” and…well, okay, you know what? Like, this movie came out in 1980 and features a fictional African country called Upper Gorm, so let’s just say Newhart was not necessarily bad at President, just incompetent, and move on before we do any real damage here.
91: First Family (1980)
Bob Dishy as President William Shockley
Goddamn it, we have to talk about this movie still? Okay, so this guy was the Vice President, and then he became President once the First Family was declared dead by the U.S. Supreme Court. Because President Link tried to…turn American citizens into plant food? Fuck, what the hell was going on in this movie? Anyway, he’s slightly better than Link because, like, he never tried to turn people into plant food. But he’s not much better, because he died from a panic-induced heart attack while taking the oath of office.
Okay, that was…something. Let’s move on to the next article tomorrow, then, shall we?
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