“December. On the plus side- Christmas. On the down side- winter.”
December has come, meaning that winter is fast approaching. Unless you live south of the equator, but truth be told we’re not 100% convinced that anyone actually lives down there. So as we brace for the winter, we take comfort in spending the cold months with our friends, loved ones, and whiskey was the second thing we just said.
And of course you will have fun facts to get you through these harsh winter months. Well not today though. Today we’re half-assing it again so we can present…
Today’s Date in American History (America Version)
1619- 38 pilgrims in Virginia give thanks to God in what some refer to as the first Thanksgiving. While there is nothing explicitly saying that they killed a whole mess of Native Americans on the next day, but let’s face it. They probably totally did.
1674- Father Jacques Marquette founds a mission off the shore of Lake Michigan to minister the Illiniwek. This mission would eventually grow to be known as the Chicago Bulls.
1812- A horse-drawn mower is invented, which is apparently slightly better than a human drawn mower, and a helluva lot worse than a riding mower.
1881- The first issue of the Los Angeles Times is published. The Los Angels Times was a newspaper. Newspapers were a thing that people used to read to get news before the internet. The internet was something that we used to use to waste time before the Chinese took over and forced us into these damn caves. Ha, woah, whoops, sorry that last sentence was meant for 2014.
1918- Woodrow Wilson becomes the first president to travel to Europe while in office. If you’re wondering whether or not you should be surprised by that, keep in mind that Teddy Roosevelt went to Japan when he was President. Japan is more fun than Europe is what we think we’re trying to say here.
1954- The first Burger King opens in Miami, Florida, confirming our opinion that Burger King totally got its start as a drug front.
1991- Pan Am goes bankrupt, and now it is dearly missed by the exactly zero of you that are reading this going, “Man, remember Pam Am? What happened?”
2011- AFFotD actually made a Farmer’s Almanac joke. It only went over okay.