“Wait…there were more babies named Paxton than Edward this year? That…that seems…what?”
~AFFotD Staffers Trying to Make Sense of 2017’s Most Popular Baby Names
Nothing makes you sound like a cranky old-timer more than complaining about the ridiculous names parents are giving their kids nowadays, so here’s an article where we complain about the ridiculous names parents are giving their kids nowadays. Now, most of our staffers are Millennials, so we can understand the desire to be “unique” when giving a permanent moniker for a living human being, but really, we need to cut this shit out. American names are becoming embarrassing.
So we decided to go through a list of the most popular baby names for boys in America in 2017 as of this writing (November, 2017) as listed by babycenter.com. Now, it seems like we don’t have exact numbers on the most popular names yet, since there are about a dozen baby sites that claim to have their own accurate ranking, but this ranking is close enough that we can drive home our conclusion—there are a lot of babies out there with stupid-as-shit names. Stop doing this, parents! America is going to spend their grade school years in so many headlocks.
But anyway, here is a list of names that are currently more popular in America than good, normal, American names. May God have mercy on our souls.
The Most Popular Baby Names For American Boys in 2017 (Are So, So Stupid)