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Cranberries Can Getchya Drunk

“This truly is an admirable little berry, tart in complexion, and sure to be an easy way to get the ladies smashed if you mix it with vodka.”

~Sir Walter Raleigh


A week from Thursday, all of us will take a well earned break to drink, watch football and/or cook, and gain a solid 10 pounds of turkey weight before falling into a food coma that will go unrivaled until next year.  That’s right, Thanksgiving is upon us, a day when we as Americans reflect about all the things we are thankful about.  The top of the list generally is “Being Amrrrican”, and that’s because you’re proud, and you should be.  We as a nation devour billions of pounds of turkey each year, and Thanksgiving is one of the reasons why we’ve inbred those flightless birds to the point where they peak at the mental capacity of a lima bean.

But, as much as Turkey is championed as the staple of American Thanksgiving deliciousness (and it will be getting its own fact of the day at some point, fear not loyal readers), there is one seemingly insignificant little berry that has enough America per square inch that when you squeeze it, it leaks out 1/3 of the colors of the American flag.  It can be mixed with your booze, and it can be served gelatinously from a can, and no matter what, it is delicious, and it is American.

We of course are referring to the cranberry.

Seen here markedly improving very shitty liquor.

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