“You’d be amazed how smashed you can get off eggnog when you’re tweaking on a week’s worth of sugar.”
Christmas is just around the corner, which means a handful of you get to take advantage of your opportunity to be a massive asshole by putting coal in your kid’s stocking just to see the look on the little bastard’s face. Really dude? You’re going that route? You think that shit’s funny? How do you even procure a hunk of coal to do that? You suck, and your kids are going to put you in one of the cheapest homes in town when your mind starts to go. But for the rest of you, Christmas is a time for friends, family, and alcohol but we said that one two times already.
But Christmas is more than just about presents and liquor. It’s about tradition. And obesity. Both of which can be seen as we investigate…
America’s Greatest Holiday Candy Traditions
Don’t worry, not all of them will look like penises. This one will, though.