“We just wanted to write about sub sandwiches. That’s safe, right? Delicious, universally loved sub sandwiches. Then the madness came. Then the darkness fell. Then came the Sarney.”
~Found Footage From the Ruins of the Building That Once Housed AFFotD’s Main Office
When we started this journey, we were happy. We were unified. We were just sitting around the writer’s table, adding whiskey to our coffee (office culture dictates that you can’t drink hard unmixed hard alcohol until at least eleven in the morning), laughing, loving. Living. Then, in walked Johnny Roosevelt, our Editor-in-Chief and winner of 2013’s “drunkest at our Christmas party” award.
“Ladies. Gentlemen. Ghosts of the cool Presidents that would have been considered alcoholics in today’s society. We haven’t really talked about sandwiches much, have we?”
And hell followed.
It seemed simple enough. We would just write about all the sandwiches we could think of that are served in long rolls. Basically, variation of submarine and Italian sandwiches, a cornerstone of our culture. We started with the East Coast to cover subs and Italians, and followed it up with Pennsylvania sandwiches so we could write about hoagies and cheesesteaks. We didn’t need to get into dagwood territory, because writing about various sliced bread sandwiches would easily creep into the mundane, and also fuck Dagwood Bumstead.
Then the voices came.
“Tunnels. Bombers. Torpedoes. Barb fucking Mills. Try as you might, you will not find them. They only exist in name to haunt you. Your charge is futile. Your destiny is pointless.”
Anyway, here are some motherfucking sandwiches from the motherfucking Midwest and West Coast and we guarantee we’ll come across another non-existent sandwich and we will lose our motherfucking minds.
The Regional Italian and Submarine Sandwiches of America: Midwest and West Coast