“Meh, I’m good.”
Ever since it opened to the public in 1960, the Hollywood Walk of Fame has held a special place as an arbiter of cultural importance. You know someone’s made it when they get their name on a star. It shows that they’re real giants of the industry. You know, your John Waynes, your Steven Spielbergs, your Levar Burtons. However, the process for getting a star might not be quite as selective as you’d think. It largely depends on agreeing to show up to the ceremony, and getting a third party to pay $40,000 for the application fee. Sure, there’s a committee that has to determine if you’re “worth” the star, but that’s more of a formality than anything else. Which means that people who are, let’s say, fringe candidates get stars surprisingly often.
And as a result, there are some…let’s say strange stars on the Walk of Fame. So, we did some digging, and helped come up with an incomplete list of stars that have been given to people (or things) that we find generally bemusing. Since there were so many (seriously there are so many stars on the damn thing) we decided to split it into four parts. Here’s part one, entries that you’ve definitely heard of, but when you hear they got a star on the Walk of Fame your initial response would be…really?
An Incomplete List of Every Strange, Surprising, or Altogether Weird Names on the Hollywood Walk of Fame (Part 1- Famous But Confusing Entries)
So yeah, the Munchkins from Wizard of Oz apparently got a star on the Walk of Fame. And it took work. The star wasn’t added until 2007, in a ceremony attended by 7 of the 9 still-living actors who played Munchkins in the movie, and only came about because a Chicago movie theater owner named Ted Bulthaup decided that it would be hilarious worthwhile cause to take on. And like, sure, it probably is—for the people who played the Munchkins, at least seven of the remaining ones were probably thrilled for the long-overdue honor. But still, it is a bit hard to wrap your head around the words “The Munchkins” appearing on the Hollywood walk of fame. Like, it feels…not offensive, but kind of offensive, right? Either way, they’ve got their star. And they’re not even close to the strangest inclusion on this list.
We got to call bullshit on this one. Back in 2003, to celebrate its 50th anniversary, Disneyland, which is a fucking theme park and not, technically speaking, an actual human being, despite the tired “Didn’t you hear, corporations are people” sarcastic joke your super liberal friends have been making since like 2010. This is pretty bad. If you’re going to make all these rules about having to show up to your groundbreaking ceremony to get a star, you can’t just turn around and accept $40K from Disney to give them some free (well, $40,000, which is basically free in Disney’s mind) advertising. Honestly, if you’re going to give some vague location a star, there’s only one place that we can think of that deserves its star. And that of course is…
Hell yeah! America does deserve to have its own star! Wait, you mean the band? Eh… never mind then. Like, that’s…it’s fine, we guess. Just, you know, we’re pretty disappointed. Also, this has nothing to do with the article, but we were the only ones who assumed that Billy Bob Thorton in that picture was supposed to be a member of a band for just a few seconds before realizing who it was? You guys saw that too, right? Like, that goatee screams “I totally am a member of the band America,” right?
And why is Rob Lowe there? Like, what is even happening in this picture?
Hahahahahaha. Oh sweet tap dancing Jesus, that’s the best picture we’ve ever seen. That’s a goddamn miracle up there. Godzilla 100% deserves this one. Oh wow. We’re so happy this exists, you guys. You have no idea.
Did you know that Mickey Mouse has his own star, but it took another 40 years for Minnie Mouse to finally get hers? It’s a bit surprising it took Minnie so long, but on the whole both of them make sense as iconic, historic figures in entertainment. Big Bird has a star too, which first of all, we wish we were at that ceremony, and secondly, you know, makes sense. But Shrek? Shrek…seems to be pushing it a bit, right? Like is Shrek really all that “timeless”? Considering that most Americans haven’t sat down to really think about Shrek, like, as a person since 2004, we don’t know if it really belongs. We know that the movies still make money, but it’s not like the Na’vi are getting a star or anything like that, and we’d say that Avatar is about as deserving of a spot on the Walk as Shrek (which is to say, we don’t think they should have stars).
Listen, you can give Pitbull a star, sure, but wouldn’t it make more sense to just give him a featuring credit on someone else’s star?
This one feels like bullshit. Like, we get why Thomas Edison has a star. He did (sort of) invented (cough, stole) the very concept of, like, movies. But still, screw this. This is a lame pick. It’s not like Thomas Edison was around to see his star get presented to him. And is anyone really going to the hall of fame going like, “Oh wow, look! All the stars! Matt Damon! Jerry Lewis! Frank Sinatra! That one asshole who ran an invention sweatshop!
Oh, speaking of assholes.
Oh, fuck Bobby Flay. Like, there are a lot of confirmed assholes who have their own stars on the Walk of Fame, but we’re going to single out Bobby here, because he’s the worst. Like, we were going to put a picture of him at his star ceremony, but then realized that there’d be a non-zero chance his lawyers would come after us. Bobby Flay is only like, a middle-amount of famous, and he absolutely strikes us as someone who pretended to be someone else to nominate himself. “Oh yes, I’m…Flobby B..ay. Um. Yes. Flobby Bay. I would like to nominate Bobby Flay for a star on the walk of fame, please. What’s that? Why yes, my mustache is falling off. I, uh. Have rabies. When you get rabies, your totally not fake mustache falls off. Look it up. Anyway, here’s that $40,000 application fee you need me, a non-involved third party, to pay.”
Like, we’re not saying his nomination process went down like that, we’re just saying it felt very truthful to type that out, you know?
Anyway, that’s just a partial list of people (or, sigh, things) that have stars on the walk of fame that just feel…off. We’ve got three more of these left, starting off with confusing entries from people that were only famous years ago. It’ll be like a fun history lesson, Hollywood-style!