“Huh. Wonder how those OWS folks will treat today…”
So today is Guy Fawkes day. Did you know that shit happened 400 years ago? Leave it to one long haired crazy British dude to make stuff cool when it was supposed to be irrelevant. But yeah, you’d expect, a lot of revolution shit to go down at this point. We guess it sort of did. Sort of. What we’re saying is we wouldn’t be surprised if shit goes down today.
(no actually it’s kind of freaky how many revolts have happened during…)
Anyway, we’re switching our “today in history” (Sunday) with our image of the week (Saturday) because of what is going on today. So we present…
Today’s Date in American History (Revolution Edition)
1605- The day that starts it all, do you remember the fifth of November. The Gunpowder plot occurs, and Guy Fawkes is unable to blow up the British Parliament. We’re going to include non-American things today because the amount of revolutions and revolts influenced by this is…unsettling.
1688- The Glorious Revolution begins in England, where a Dutch man invaded the country and took over basically because the old king was showing religious tolerance. And you wonder why we so much prefer America?
1780- US forces lose to Little Turtle in a raid on Fort Detroit, marking the most embarrassing defeat of US forces at the hand of an Entourage character. Shit, this is not looking good.
1811- Salvadorian priest Jose Matias Delgado rings the bell at his church to spark the 1811 Independence Movement, proving that apparently on this day if you ring a bell loud enough it’s enough to make people overthrow shit.
1831- American slave leader Nat Turner is tried, convicted, and sentenced to death, and we’re going to overlook how quickly those three things occurred in a row.
1838- The Federal Republic of Central America (yes that was a thing once) begins to disintegrate when Nicaragua separates from it. At this point we’re starting to get legitimately concerned.
1878- Susan B. Anthony defies U.S. laws, votes for the first time, and is fined $1000, proving that not all of the revolts that occurred on this day were bloody.
1911- Italy annexes Tripoli and Cyrenaica from the Ottoman Empire because, fuck, it can’t all be social progress, most of the times we just need to assume that today is cursed.
1913- King Otto of Bavaria is deposed by his cousin because today is cursed.
1917- TODAY IS CURSED! The October Rebellion takes place in Russia, with Communists overthrowing the government (for those of you calling bullshit that it’s the October Rebellion, it’s because they were using the Julian calendar instead of the Gregorian so it was down as October 23rd for them at the time)
2006- Sadaam gets sentenced to death, strangely people do not take to the streets chanting “USA! USA!”
2011- Hopefully we break trends by having something not-revolt-y go down.
Sad I can’t celebrate Guy Fawkes Day. Turns out setting fires on a natural gas drilling site is a bad idea.