AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt Tries to Buy Domain Names

“Purchasing can help you become the market leader”

~Fast Moving Domains

There are occasions where people choose to contact AFFotD with compelling American like offers, as opposed to the typical amounts of hate mail.  We know, we’re surprised by it too, if we want to be perfectly honest.  Normally it’s angry Siberians who are pissed off that we wrote that their currency is worth less than McDonald’s napkins.  Or, just, you know.  Greeks.  Lots of Greeks, doesn’t matter what we say, it makes them mad.

Stop being so fiery, Greeks.  We know that’s sort of your thing, but cool it.

So when we got an email about a potential business opportunity, you know we felt like we had to jump on it.

What follows is the various exchanges between our Editor in Chief, Johnny Roosevelt, and Fast Moving Domains, who were attempting to sell us a domain name.  Enjoy.

“ is still available for purchase”

So we opened our inbox to see the following email.  It’s lengthy but wade through it, lots of important information there.  Probably.  Maybe.



To- AFFotD

Date: Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 10:45 AM

Subject: Secure

Hello, my name is XXXX XXXXX with Fast Moving Domains. will be listed for sale in the next couple of days.

You are one of 164 companies/individuals who are either bidding on, have organically integrated or operate domain names related to the keyword set “anything washington”.

You can lower or eliminate any current/future advertisement expenses by becoming number one in search engines for this keyword set.

Purchasing can help you become the market leader. If you are interested please visit:

I will try to answer the most common questions I receive from my customers below.

In case your specific question is not answered, you can call us at 1-888-xxx-xxxx (toll free in the USA and Canada) using reference code 1205401.

A live person will handle anything you need pre/post purchase. To better serve you, we do not use automated phone support.

1) You receive a year of registration on us with your purchase so you don’t have to stress about renewing your domain for one year.

2) We only require a one-time fee for exclusive ownership. Fast Moving Domains will only charge you once.

3) You don’t have to worry about re-branding or changing your current site. You can forward to any of your domains or vice versa at no cost.

4) All transactions use a 128-bit SSL encryption and are processed through, a leading payment gateway. We also accept PayPal for secure transactions.

Once you confirm your interest and the domain is ready to ship, one of my transfer specialists will contact you.

Thank you and have a great day.



Fast Moving Domains

1-888-XXX-XXXX (Please use code: 1205401 when calling our customer support)


 Needless to say, this caught the attention of our editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt, who was rather interested with the domain name,  So he responded.  That response is listed below.


From Johnny Roosevelt



Date:  Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 11:53 AM

Subject: Re: Secure


Hi XXX XXXX with Fast Moving Domains,

We have been considering trying to secure as a domain name, as America Fun Fact of the Day (our domain) is a fan of everything American.  How much do you suspect this would cost?  What method of payments are accepted?  Thank you for contacting us!

~Johnny Roosevelt



Thankfully, Fast Moving Domains was quick to respond.


From: Fast Moving Domains

To: Johnny Roosevelt


Date: Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 12:46 PM

Subject:  [#570861] Re: Secure


The price of the domain is only $497.00.  Your purchase will be a one time[sic] fee only that includes one year of complimentary registration.  You can make your purchase with Paypal or Credit card.  After purchasing the domain, you will never be charged anything else from us again.  If you are interested please visit:



Now, we were a little discouraged by this.  Five hundred bucks isn’t a lot of money, but it is a lot of money when you just dropped a few hundred Gs on extinct animal taxidermy.  That shit is expensive.  We also had a few concerns we wanted to get taken care of, so, we had Johnny Roosevelt respond.


From: Johnny Roosevelt

To: Fast Moving Domains


Date: Fri, Oct 28, 2011 at 12:58 PM

Subject: Re: [#570861] Re: Secure


XXX XXX from Fast Moving Domains,

Are there any other bidders right now to have driven the price that high?  We were expecting something more in the 300 dollar range, we haven’t really got the extra 197 budgeted for that yet.  If you can hold off on the sale for a few weeks we might be able to put it together.  As of now we can’t afford that, until our Wendy’s advertising money comes in, which is at the beginning of each month.

However, we have a few additional options that could help us do business sooner. 

Do you sell other domain names?  We’re assuming you must, since you are fast moving domains, but if you do, can you tell us if the following are available/up for sale?

And finally, outside of paypal or credit card, is there a way to make payment in other ways?  We’re hesitant to use our credit cards, and while we could do paypal, we just want to exhaust our options.  Do you accept cash or any sort of bartering system?  We’d understand if you don’t, again paypall is fine, we just want to double-check. 

Please get back to us at your earliest convenience.  Thank you for the quick response!

~Johnny Roosevelt



Unfortunately, after a few hours of waiting, we were unable to hear back from the contact at Fast Moving Domains.  Many lesser institutions would give up at this point, but not us.  We managed to track down the company site (okay so it was listed in the emails) and find their 24 hour Live Chat specialists.  This was the final back and forth between Johnny Roosevelt and the fine professionals at Fast Moving Domains.  Or the one professional who happened to be working the computers at this company when we got a hold of them.


Fast Moving Domains:  Welcome to Fast Moving Domains. Is there anything I can help you with?

Johnny Roosevelt:  Hi, yes, I have a few questions actually if you don’t mind.

FMD:  Domain Support: How can I help you?

JR:  Well, I was contacted by one of your associates about a domain that I might be interested in purchasing.  “”  I had just a few questions about the process.  First of all, are you able to look and see if a domain is available for me to buy outside of ones that you suggest?

I’ll clarify.

I was contacted about absolutelywashington which I absolutely (ha) want to get…but first I wanted to check another few possibilities.

FMD: Not a problem, what domains would you be interested in?

JR:  Okay let’s see, one sec I have to dig up a list that our writers set up.

Alright, the ones that we’re really looking for I think the top 5 were badassamerican, wegothim, americansforawesomeness, teddyrooseveltisms, and hellokitty

FMD: And all of these were .com?

JR:  Ideally

FMD:  We are just a domain broker not a registrar.  Domain Support: We don’t own any of these domains, you would need to contact the current owner or see with a registrar if they are available to purchase.

JR:  I see.  So if any of those are currently registered, you’d be able to see if they’re able to sell?

FMD: That is correct.

JR:  Do you know if any of the domains I mentioned have been previously registered/you would be able to approach their owners?

FMD: would be one.

JR:  So is already taken? Have you previously contacted that person, or would you have to do it and get back to me?

FMD: I would need to contact the owner and get back to you.

JR:  Excellent.  I think we can make it…worth their while

Can you actually send them the request saying that?  Like, with dramatic pause and everything?

FMD: What is your email address? I will send you an email once they respond.

JR:  You’d be best to reach me at

FMD: Thank you. Once I receive a response I will contact you at this email address.

JR:  That’s great.  I do have a second question though- how does the payment process work?  Do I have to make a minimum bid on a site? and does it have to be credit card/paypall?

FMD: We accept Paypal and Credit card.

JR:  Now if it’s being done through an individual would I be able to offer non-credit-card options? Such as, say, cash (under the table for tax reasons hint hint) or bottles of fine liquor?

FMD: I’m afraid not.

JR:  Hmm okay… That’ll limit what we can spend a bit but I’ll look into our finances when you get a hold of wegothim’s owner.

Also, one last thing I just realized- are you able to pass personal messages from the seller to the sell-ee?  As in, if we were able to bid for the site and get it, could we send a message like “No, we got IT! Thanks for the selling!”  Or something more poetic?

FMD: That is not a problem however I cannot give out the email address.

JR:  But I could have you guys forward the message to him right? Like “Hey I’d have also given you a couple of gallons of our moonshine but you know, tariffs” or something…well you know what I’m getting ahead of myself, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Thanks for all the help!

FMD:  You’re welcome


And that is where we leave it right now, America.  Of course we’ll keep you posted on our attempts to take over several additional swatches of the internet withi the helps of our friends at Fast Moving Domains.  Until then, stay vigilant, and of course, help us think of some other Domains to try to take over.  And as always, we remain receptive to any offers from any of the domains that might be willing to sell.  We’re could work wonders with CNN, is what we’re saying.

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