Let’s Pretend Andre the Giant is From America

“No more rhymes, now, I mean it.”

“Anyone want a peanut?”


~Seriously you guys, how good was The Princess Bride?

We at the AFFotD offices often have to swallow quite a modicum of our pride when we’re encountered by foreigners who accomplish American deeds.  After all, you don’t have to be a born American to become a governor of one of the nation’s most populous states.  Or to knock up the help.  So that’s why, when we were watching The Princess Bride in our weekly “watching a chick flick that is actually totally acceptable to watch” night, we figured it was time that we gave proper deference to a Frenchmananoghieipghepwaighpae.

Sorry, the temp we had typing that spontaneously combusted- we have our keyboard wired to set fire whenever something positive is said about people from that…F country.  But yes, we’re here to salute Andre the Giant, who did enough amazing American things in American, that we posthumously have declared him an American.  Because we’re running out of interns to explode, and we want to take credit for him.  So from now on, his birth will be described in “Georgia” instead of “Grenoble, France.”  Because you have no idea how much Andre the Giant could drink.

Andre Rene Roussimoff, erm, we mean, Andre Robinson, was born on May 19th, 1946 in…uh…Paris, Georgia.  He was the third of five children, and suffered from a rare condition called Acromegaly, which caused his body creating excessive growth hormones.  By the time he was 12, he was 6’3” and unable to fit in his school’s bus.

Eventually Andre would accept the appropriate moniker of “Andre the Giant,” and would grow to be 7’4” while weighing 540 pounds.  At least, according to those Andre the Giant has a posse stickers by the Obama “Hope” guy.  When you had a giant person with bushy hair in the 1970’s, it was legally require that he be made into a professional wrestler, so that’s what happened with Andre, who made his US wrestling debut in 1973.  Being a giant, he feuded against other giants, often for the sake of American interests (or at least, it seems that way with his feud against “The Mongolian Giant”, Killer Khan.)

Let it never be said that wrestling panders to damaging stereotypes

Later in his career, Andre the giant would go on to fued with Hulk Hogan, who had a penchant for pasta at the time.

Wait, what?

Of course, Andre is possibly best known for his role in The Princess Bride, where he was just, like, so endearing you guys.

Just look at that face

But that’s not why we are here to pretend that Andre the Giant is from America celebrate Andre’s American roots.  This article pretty much sums it up, but we will go on and discuss it for you.  Andre the Giant loooved to drink.  As in, 7,000 calories of booze a day.  As in, he once drank 119 beers in six hours.  He once drank 16 bottles of wine in four hours before wrestling.

Goddamn.  Yes.

Sadly, not many images exist of Andre the Giant drinking.  But enough stories do exist where we can salute him.  You’ve deserved your new American roots, Andre.  God bless.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s