“Get your shit together, ESPN.”
~AFFotD Research staff
Because we are American, and have the appropriately diverse staff that is 50% male and 25% females that are cool and like sports and junk, we clearly needs sports as a way to escape the soul crushing frozen darkness that is American winter (shut up California, stop bragging). We’re so desperate for an impressive athlete that even today, when you make a joke about Tonya Harding, most people will respond by going, “Whyyyyy? Whyyyyyy?” (The handful of people who didn’t respond this way replied with “Who?” and “oh you mean that beefy boxing chick?”)
Yes, we like sports. And we don’t care who knows. And since we’re still in a bit of a daze as our brain cells recover from the battle field massacre that we call “New Year’s Eve falling on a weekend” we decided we’d do something lazy, like look up someone’s list of the top 10 American athletes and do a quick blurb on why each of them are American. But when we checked ESPN, we saw that they listed the top 10 North American athletes. Which shouldn’t’ have been a problem, except they put a goddamn Canadian on the list. Eww. Gross. Eww.
So we found the website Made Men and decided to use their list instead.
The Top 10 American Athletes (Determined By Someone Other Than AFFotD)