“Pew pew pew. That’ll be a million dollars, please.”
~Gun Auctioneers, Probably?
America loves and hates guns more than any other country in the world, though apparently Serbia is trying their best to give us a run for our money. We’re not here to talk about gun laws or crime in the nation, because God that just sounds like a fucking chore. So instead, we’re going to talk about very old guns that were purchased by very rich (presumably white and old) people, because no matter what you think about gun culture, it is pretty wild to imagine spending a million dollars on some two hundred year old metal contraption that could maybe still kill a person.
The 5 Most Expensive American Guns Ever Sold In Auction
“Worth it. Totally worth it.”
~No, guy…it isn’t
Most Americans buy their goods in the typical fashion—on sale from a Wal-Mart while fending off ghosts summoned from the Indian Burial Ground the store was built on top of. One-stop shopping. Of course some people have copious amounts of money and the strange obsessive ticks that you only see in inbred European nobility and coke-addled money men who struck it big in the 80’s, and they prefer to buy their items from auctions. Not useful items, like food, clothes, or cheap DVDs that trick you into thinking they’re blockbuster films, of course. No, these intrepid individuals like to throw money at things like Bonnie and Clyde’s guns, or a Brazilian girl’s virginity (oh how we wish we were making that one up).
When you think about the fact that millionaires literally competed with each other to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on these following items, you can rest comfortably in your futon knowing that you can never be happy without money. Wait, that doesn’t sound right…
Five Strange Auction Items