“Dude…I’m too tired to be mad at you.”
~J. Wilson’s Liver
Every so often, our research department comes across an article headline that screams “America.” We usually look for certain buzz words. “Alcohol.” “Punching Animals.” “Man Causes Forest Fire.” The typical American-friendly topics. That’s why, when we stumbled across this article, we saw America pouring out of every letter of the headline.
“Beer-Only Fast Ends With Bacon Smoothie.”
…Sorry, give us a moment, there’s a little bit of America in our eye…we just need to regain our composure…
Obviously, this was a story that required all the due deference and measured realism that only a staff of zealous Americans with drinking problems and a penchant for dick jokes could truly tackle, so we’ve arrived on the scene to give a brief summary of these actions that sound so American that they made the skeleton of George Washington just shotgun a beer.