Back in 2018, we wrote about Absurd College Football Bowl Games. We thought bowl games had jumped the shark.
There was the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl. The Raycom Media Camellia Bowl. Hell, now the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl feels downright quaint.
And we get it. For the past years our staff has been not posting much, being busy doing regular stuff, like, learning how to socialize again, or getting really into weird beers. But we with the drastic change to the college football playoff system, the millions of dollars in NIL deals, something we guess is called a transfer window, a lot has changed in the NCAA.
But not one thing. That’s right. Teenagers may be making millions. But you know what also makes millions? SPONSORSHIPS BAY-BEE! And so, guess what, bowl games have only gotten crazier in the last seven years.
So let’s take a look at-
2025’s Most Absurdly Titled NCAA Bowl Games
In 2025 there have been or will be 70 bowl games. That’s 140 teams (we’re shocked we got that immediately, math is hard). Now, only 47 of those are in Division 1, which is what we’re focused on, but still, that’s a lot of holiday football. And that leads to a mishmash of sponsors, who have gifted us this blessed year with the following games.
Cricket Celebration Bowl
South Carolina State 40, Prairie View A&M 38
We’ll start things light. Yes, you know about the brand Cricket. It’s that cell service that people that use it don’t volunteer that information, and if they accidentally do, they hear a Greek chorus of “oh, oh honey. Don’t worry about the tab.”
This is a soft launch to this article, but we just want to point out that if you read the conferences as it is on the logo (Mid Eastern Athletic Conference, Southwestern Athletic Conference) – the letters Meac Swac just sounds like, we mean, not to start with a dick joke but. Meat Sack. Cricket is here to celebrate the Meat Sack.
Bucked Up LA Bowl
GRONK. IS. SPONSORING. A. BOWL GAME.
GRONK. IS. SPONSORING. A. BOWL GAME.
Now one of our writers has written about Rob Gronkowski, the future-hall-of-fame tight end, and of their five (seriously) articles (parody) they all basically ramped into Gronk saying “Gronk did make strong” jokes. So we’ll allow him to write the following paragraph in the voice of Gronk promoting this bowl sponsored by Bucked Up (we shall NOT link to any sponsors) which seems to just be a gym bro clothing company. Take it away, Jeff.
“Gronk love the game foot fashion of the buck. The buck call Gronk and say, you do bowl game? Gronk say, yes, Captain Crunch. Good breakfast, make Gronk strong. Then they say, different bowl, no food, but money. Gronk like money. He use it on hotels sometimes. Go to LA Bowl, and thank Gronk.”
IS4S Salute to Veterans Bowl
Jacksonville State 17, Troy 13
We’re not even going to google this company before saying that, on paper, this feels a little end of times. Like, soul-less corporate entity tries to make themselves look good in Alabama by leaning on the troops.
But also. Um. It’s not ISIS but. Once we say “ISIS SALUTE TO VETERANS BOWL” you can’t UNSEE it. Anyway, what do they do…
*googles*
Huh. They do military software stuff. We. We don’t think we should keep, making jokes here.
StaffDNA Cure Bowl
Old Dominion 24, South Florida 10
StaffDNA is a third-party healthcare company that connects health care professionals to employment at health care locations. Nothing says Orlando football like that! Look at the palm trees in the logo! What else says –
No games. Just full transparency. Join over 2 million healthcare professionals who are Team StaffDNA
Than a sponsored football game at Camping World Stadium?
68 Ventures Bowl
68 Ventures is based in Alabama and is sponsoring a bowl game in Alabama and as far as we can tell invests in real estate and probably other venture capitalist bullshit that most of the nation is increasingly learning to hate. Neat. They let Delaware beat the team that was closest to them.
Xbox Bowl
Arkansas State 34, Missouri State 28
*blank stare*
This shouldn’t bother us. There’s a Chik-Fil-A game afterall. X-Box is pretty much a universally known brand. And they even have football games! But we just feel there’s something…off about this existing. That’s all.
Myrtle Beach Bowl Presented by Engine
Western Michigan 42, Kennesaw State 6
Engine is, to quote AI, a “modern business and group travel platform” which seems very similar to most of these sponsors. You know when you’re looking for a job and there’s such a generic description of it on their website that you go into the first interview and are just like “oh yeah, synergy?” Anyway, that’s like half of the sponsors of the bowl games this year.
Bush’s Boca Raton Bowl of Beans
We, again, will not be linking to any of the sponsored brands, because we got integrity. But we will especially not do it for a bean-pun-centered name of a mid-tier bowl game happening two days before Christmas.
What sucks is, by all accounts, it was a close and hard fought game! That’s what you want from a bowl game! But it’s spoiled by your overbite uncle hee-hawin “we got dem bush’s best BOWL of beans har-dee-har-dee-har.”
Might as well make it the Campbell’s Boca Raton BOWL of spaghetti-o’s. Assholes.
Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl
Another competitive game. Another sponsor that feels almost insulting to the amount of commercial money coming into their game. At least there were no dad jokes in this one. We asked a new staff writer “have you heard of Scooter’s Coffee?”
They said, “yeah.”
“Is it like, big?”
“Oh, fuck no.”
But hey they at least got a bowl game.
Wasabi Fenway Bowl
You might be thinking, there’s no way it’s called the Fenway Bowl because it’s at Fenway Park.
*Rude Buzzer Noise*
Nope! It IS at Fenway! So cool! One of the most classic fields in the nation!
Now you also are wondering if there’s a “Got Milk?”-esq campaign that is trying to make Wasabi, the Japanese spicy condiment a bigger thing.
*Rude Buzzer Noise*
It is *oh God we have so many tabs open, give us time* sponsored by Wasabi a *oh God even on the homepage we can’t figure out what they really do* um, clo…cloud storage company that also does AI because fuck it everything has to involve AI now, that bubble’s never gonna burst baby, yes, spend all your marketing to put your name on the iconic Fenway Park.
We do NOT know why this game, where Army dismantled UConn in a classic jocks vs. nerds battle, is probably gonna be the longest entry in this already too long article but let’s talk about how Wasabi (not the ground root) but here we go.
If you go to the website for the brand (not gonna do it for you) you’ll see they are trying to tie in their sponsorship with how they give back to educators, spending $140,000 to over 150 educators over the years since they’ve launched their bowl sponsorship, which believe us definitely costs more than $140K to secure naming rights.
Okay okay okay so. This is making us do math. We hate math just as much as we hate bald eagles getting killed in wind turbines. If it’s exactly 150 educators, that means they give each one $933.33. Like, if we got a check for $933.33 we’d be thrilled! That’s like, maybe five nights of nice dinners. It’s not a month of rent, but it’s money! But it seems like a weird flex!
They gave money to a high school firefighter instructor, which doesn’t sound like a thing until you think the word “Boston.” A Step Team Coach won too, which, we aren’t fully sure what step team entails but we know you gotta know how to dance. We need more dancers in this country!
Then they follow up their winning educators (seems like they just gave out three awards, then said “and see our semi-finalists” without posting an active link) with a gross “here’s our list of VPs, if you’re not using us WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR.”
Late stage capitalism is the NCAA apparently.
Pop-Tarts Bowl
Listen, honestly? We love this bowl. You probably love this bowl. How can you not when this shit happens-
If you don’t know, the mascot of this bowl gets lowered in a toaster, then comes out as a full-ass edible pop-tart that the winning team devours like goddamn cannibals. We live in trying times but nothing says God Bless America more than seeing a smiling pastry burn himself alive so that some of our nation’s best athletes lose their mind digging into them all fuckin’ Lord of the Flies.
Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl
Miami (OH) vs. Fresno State (score pending)
Snoop Dogg has his own bowl game. Again. SNOOP DOGG HAS HIS OWN BOWL GAME. This is a mix of the best and the worst timelines, friends. D to the O to the Double G is deciding who will prevail between Miami (Ohio version) and Fresno State (California version)
This man was arrested for MURDER 30 years ago. Now he’s best friends with Martha Stewart, and has a named sponsorship with a NCAA bowl game. We don’t condone murder, but frankly, riding Gin & Juice to this level of acclaim is kind of the American Dream.
Kinder’s Texas Bowl
LSU vs. Houston (score pending)
We initially were ready go on a fuckin’ tear on this one. We were like, Kinders? The Italian chocolate company? IN THIS ECONOMY? We got TARIFFS on this shit! And in the Lone Star State? NO THANK YOU! OUT OF HERE, COMRADE.
The bull horn logo should have told us it wasn’t that but was just some BBQ sauce we’re not aware of as the sponsor. We probably should hire some Texans on our staff.
Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl
Coastal Carolina vs. Louisiana Tech (score pending)
Radiance Technologies are 100% employee owned, and, in their own words, “provide innovative solutions to our customers’ greatest challenges. Our customers operate in an environment where adversaries are constantly evolving and rapidly advancing. Radiance solutions provide technological advantage and operational superiority for our nation.”
Cool. Got it. How many of your employee owners skipped on a bonus to host powerhouses Louisiana Tech and Coastal Carolina. Much more valuable than a your child’s first bicycle?
ReliaQuest Bowl
Iowa vs. Vanderbilt (score pending)
ReliaQuest is a leading AI-powered cybersecurity company that provides its GreyMatter security operations platform to help large enterprises automate threat detection, investigation, and response across complex, hybrid IT environments, enabling security teams to act faster, reduce costs, and manage risk with its unique Agentic AI approach.
So we would love a job at ReliaQuest because, frankly, we believe in synergy.
But seriously, this isn’t the first AI-based host we’ve talked about But they claim they were founded in 2007. No fucking way they were doing AI-powered cybersecurity in 2007. These frauds pivoted to AI probably, what, two years ago? And probably bought the rights to host the Tampa Bay located bowl game around the same time.
We could look up when they started hosting this game, but we found out they were an AI company because Google defaults to showing AI-generated answers and we’ve killed enough seals today.
Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl
Arizona State vs. Duke (score pending)
Jesus.
Don’t do it.
Don’t fucking do it.
T…
Thi….
This game is going to be GREATTTT!
SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl
Nebraska vs. Utah (score pending)
You, like everyone in America, are aware of SRS Distribution.
You know. They have 340 locations across the nation. And here they are, hosting a bowl game in Las Vegas of all places.
Vegas. The City of Sin. What is sexier than a *checks notes* a roofing supply store? Nothing. You know why roofs are sexy? Because people fuck under them. That’s Vegas baby. So we got the home of corn and the home of people who fuck with a hole in a sheet. Aww yeah baby. SRS Distribution. Truly America’s own.
And there you have it! Enjoy the college playoff experience everybody!
America Fun Fact of the Day 