Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animals

“AGHHHHHHH”

~Home Alone

Today is Sunday, the day that we do “Today in American History.”  Today is also Christmas.  We’re going to be honest, all of us have gone home to spend time with our families (the Walker family, the Van Winkle family, the Beam family, the Cuervo family, the… you get the idea) so we just set up a computer program to write a brief article about Christmas (the input was- 3 parts booze jokes, 2 parts fatty food references, 1 part dick jokes).

So today is Christmas.  Every other day in history, it doesn’t really matter, because it’s been December 25th, and that is Christmas.  Boozy Christmas, whiskey, bourbon, Christmas ham, Christmas cookies, penis.

So Merry Christmas, and hopefully you’re too busy spending drunken time with your family to be reading this.  Unless you’re not Christian, in which case befriend a nice Christian family and use it as an excuse to scam a free meal out of them.  Happy holidays!

 

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