T’was the day of Thanksgiving, and not to be rude,
But why are you reading this? And not drinking booze?
Your family surrounds you and football is blaring,
And you’ve already spilled on the sweater you’re wearing.
Yes it’s that special Thursday, where we all give our thanks,
And chug bottles of whiskey and stretch out our pants.
Potatoes you’ve mashed and cranberry you’ve sauced,
And let’s not forget you, who has gotten oh so very sloshed.
Half of you watch football, and half work the kitchen
(and if you didn’t cook, clean up, so you don’t hear some bitching)
But the whole family is here, or maybe just friends.
It honestly depends if you can fly home for a weekend.
And if you’re alone on this festive occasion,
Don’t be upset, just buy bourbon and enjoy some take-in.
Something tasty, hell, good pizza will always delight you
While you drunkenly scroll through your Netflix instant queue.
So be you alone, with friends, or relations,
There’s plenty to be thankful on this happy occasion.
There’s turkey, and stuffing, and Thursday day drinking,
Which all will soon combine to make your body start sleeping.
So we hope you enjoy this message of cheer,
And goddamn it, so help us, you’d better drink beer.
And to all you Americans, filled with poultry and wine,
Happy Thanksgiving to all, now enjoy your nap time.