Tag Archives: Well Done

A Delicious History of Steak

“Oh my God, this steak is so good I can taste it’s soul.”

~Ted Turner

There’s an old story that we at the America Fun Fact of the Day offices like to tell to really amp us up.  And by “old story” we mean “a heritage myth we stole from some Indians and tinkered with, because, you know, America.”  It talks of the Bear and the Cow.  The Bear was the most feared animal in the forest, able to rule the forest mercilessly, this being before the existence of C. Dale Petersen.  All animals fled his path, and hunters to him were like hot dogs inside orange-vest hot dog buns.  Brother Bear knew no fear, and had never experienced pain.  Then, one day, there was a cow stampede in the forest.  These fat cows, lumbering, came in such great numbers that Bear had to climb a tree to evade them, only to look down in despair to see his youngest cub directly in the path of the oncoming bovine charge (Bear was sort of a shitty parent, to be fair).  Right as the Bear grimaced, preparing for the death of his child, Brother Cow stopped in his tracks, directly in front of Bear’s cub.  The rest of the herd ambled past, and when the dust settled, Cow stood in front of the cub, and in his mouth was a blade of grass, which he gave to the cub.  Brother Bear was so relieved that he climbed down, and said to Brother Cow, “You have saved my own dearest child.  Thank you, Cow, you truly are a noble creature.”

Brother Bear and his cub then ate the shit out of that Cow, because steak is fucking delicious.

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Filed under America's Greatest Fun Facts, Hot Dogs, Hamburgers, Steaks