~The Ghost of General George Patton
The staff of the America Fun Fact of the Day is sort of like a cross between Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and an overzealous stage mom. On one hand, if you cast our kid in your commercial (or, say America is appropriately awesome), we’ll totally sleep with you. On the other hand, if you spurn our advances, we’re going to kill your pet rabbit. What we’re trying to say is, if there’s one thing we hate more than Nature, it’s people who write articles besmirching our fine nation.
Especially when it’s…the enemy!
It’s the face that killed millions, yet would not be out of place behind the counter of a gas station.
While doing our weekly google searches (affotd, America fuck yes, America is awesome, why is America so damn awesome you guys, etc) we stumbled across an article on “Asian Times” called, “What is American Culture?” We’ve been spurned by the Chinese before, so we weren’t necessarily expecting any celebrations about our inventive uses of gravy, but we were not expecting an article flinging more shit at American Culture than the cast and crew of Two Girls One Cup.
In order to do it justice, we brought in an American academic on our staff, who also teaches our “America, fuck yes, an examination of everything great about America” classes. He is a bit more “straight laced” than we like, but if we were in charge of writing up about this article, we’d probably say some pretty hateful shit. Professor Washington will likely say some pretty hateful shit too, but at least he uses bigger words and reads shit like “books.”
America Fun Fact of the Day Responds to Critiques of American Culture While Suppressing the Urge to Vomit or Declare War on China (because, let’s face it, they’d probably win…shit)- a lecture by Professor Washington