“If it’s a vegetable, just cover it in dough and fry away the nature.”
~George Washington’s little-known cook book
In America, we like our food like we like our cars: fast, greasy, and with scores of open containers of alcohol. There’s a reason why you can’t think of a worthwhile American painter from the past 50 years but you can name a dozen fried food items you’ve ordered at a bar at one point in your life (French fries, jalapeno poppers, fried mushrooms, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, nachos, fried shrimp, chicken wings, need we go on?) Yes, fried foods are delicious and unhealthy and sometimes involve beer, and we’ve told you plenty about the absurd combination of fried food goodness that exists in this nation. But every so often, it’s time for us to take a step back and praise something absurdly unhealthy, yet so common place that we almost forget how special it truly is.
What we’re trying to say is…dammit Onion Rings, we can’t seem to quit you. Here. Have a fun fact. A delicious, greasy fun fact.
We’re a classy enterprise, so we don’t feel it prudent to point out that this looks like a penis.