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The American States Of America: The Most American Qualities Of Every State (Part 5 of 10)

“Oh, Chicago?  Al Capone!  Ratt-att-att!  Michael Jordon!  Swoosh!”

~Foreigners upon hearing the word “Illinois”

america states of america

PART FIVE

We’ve spent the last 6,000 words on this site devoted to each and every slice of Americana as represented by the American traits of every American state.  It’s not been an easy journey.  After our half-hearted endorsement of Mississippi, someone snuck into our office and started putting antifreeze into our coffee maker in an effort to poison our staff.  Luckily for us, the treatment of antifreeze poisoning is alcohol, and we’ve literally never had a cup of coffee that wasn’t at least 50% whiskey, but we still have come to recognize that you’re not going to please everyone when you set out to find the most American quality of each state.  Except for Rhode Islanders.  They were actually surprisingly pleased that we gave them a solid 350 words.  We think they were lonely and just thankful for the attention.

So, we continue onward, marching from the states we all are intimately familiar with all the way through Wyoming.  Do you know anyone from Wyoming?  Didn’t think so.  But you do know someone from the following state.

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A Road Trip of Roadside Attractions Through America’s Midwest: Part 3

“Daddy, mom said that we’re supposed to call the police if you start drinking behind the wheel again.”

~How many times does daddy have to tell you kids to shut the hell up?

America is a glorious, sprawling land, with a lot of weird shit out there.  As we’ve established in our first and second road trips through Midwestern America, the best part of driving through America is being able to stop and waste time at a whole variety of strange, exotic places.  Except for that spider-car.  That was terrifying as all shit.

AGHHHHHH FLASHBACK

After our last trip, which ended with several AFFotD staffers getting wasted at Mount Rushmore, we don’t really know what happened.  When we eventually woke up, we all were missing one shoe, one sock, and the sleeves of our shirts had been cut off.  Oh, also, our car was scattered around us in dozens of pieces.  Or so we thought.  Actually, our car was nowhere to be found.  Turns out we’re in Alliance, Nebraska, where we were greeted with this sight.

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America’s Dumbest Laws #6-10

“This’ll stop them there idiots.”

~New Mexican Legislature

As we discussed in yesterday’s fun fact, there are a lot of dumb laws out there.  So for every law like “Don’t kill people,” there’s an equally stupid law like, “Don’t kill endangered animals.”

And of course, there are the following dumb laws as well…

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