“Would you like the cocaine, or the opium?”
~God, Doc, you…you just GET it, man
As AFFotD has previously established through meticulous research, the early 20th century and late 19th century were ridiculous, especially when it came down to dangerous drugs that were legally available as “Medicine.” Physicians back then treated medicinal treatments the same way a ten year old boy treats a make-your-own stir-fry buffet: Just throw every ridiculous thing you can find in there and hope something appetizing comes out the other end. The most common diagnosis back then was, “*shrug* probably?” Doctors in the 19th century hated their patients so much that when they were told, “Hey, maybe wash your hands before performing surgery on people?” they responded with a resounding, “Fuck you.” Seriously.
Being sick in the 19th and early 20th century was like being the black person in a horror film. There’s not much of a chance that you’re making it out alive. And speaking of horror films, most of the medical instruments back then looked like they’re from scenes of Nightmare on Elm Street that were cut out of the film because they were too terrifying.
“…It’s like…Robot Satan’s dick…”
Now, despite the high rate of hospital mortalities and genital mutilation (we can only assume), Olde Tyme Doctors did have one thing going for them. A willingness to use ridiculous drugs as medicine. That’s why we’re here to show you even more awesomely terrible medicinal ideas from America’s past.