“Don’t worry, we’re not going to actually read this. We honestly don’t care.”
~Current residents of California
At this point, there’s not much more we can do to prepare you for this segment. If you’ve been reading from the beginning of the series, you know that we’re going through every state to list their most American quality. If you don’t know we’re doing that, hi there, sort of weird that you found this page after googling “Blake Lively Bestiality Sex Video” and you might want to talk to a professional about that particular fetish, but otherwise you can go back to the beginning of this series by clicking here. Or you can just keep reading as we list the 31st through the 35th state to join this fine Union. Starting with…
“I’ll ask one more time- how much have you had to drink, Mr. Roosevelt?”
~I don’t understand the officer, question
We hope you’re sitting down as you read this. Well, mainly because it’s shocking news, but also because it’d be sort of weird if you were reading this on your computer while standing up. No one likes the guy that has one of those walking-desks. Don’t by that guy. But we digress.
What we are here to tell you is that, despite America being, well, America…there are states among us that have barbaric laws limiting how much, or when, you can purchase alcohol. While some of these we will begrudgingly accept (try as we want to fight it, it seems that the government isn’t ready to endorse our “let liquor stores operate out of schools” proposal) others are downright archaic, making us wonder out loud if these state governments are run by the town from Footloose. Because where there is no booze, as we all know, there is no dancing.
“But AFFotD, that’s terrible! Just hearing about the regulation of alcohol gets me so mad I want to chug a bottle of tequila until I pass out and wake up wondering if the blood on my hands came from an animal or a person,” you no doubt just gargled at your computer screen mid-booze-chug. We are aware, and that’s why we’re here to help, giving you a comprehensive guide to the states you should avoid, you know, if you like alcohol.
America’s Most Alcohol Restrictive States