Tag Archives: Jimmy Carter

Wherein AFFotD Declares A Blog War Against A Pandemic Foe, Who Doth Dare Assert That America Is Doomed

“Boys, get out your phallus thesaurus, we got ourselves a good old-fashioned blog fight!”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief Johnny Roosevelt


America Fun Fact of the Day prides itself as being an apolitical entity.  Sure, we’ll rip on Jimmy Carter, but really, who gives a shit about Jimmy Carter?  We also rip on Richard Nixon because we’re pretty sure he tried to coax us into the back of a van with candy one time.  We don’t talk about George Bush other than to point out that, surprisingly, Dick Cheney was not one of America’s ugliest vice-presidents, and we don’t talk about Barack Obama other than to point out that motherfucker is brewing beer and that’s kind of awesome.  But when actual politics come into the fold, we like to sit on the sideline.  Honestly, if you belong to a particular political party, we don’t really care unless you threaten to take away our booze or say shit against America.  Oh, and we have issues with PETA, but they don’t count.

Seriously, how can a protest campaign ONLY center around naked women and mutilated animals?  How does that make sense?

So when it comes to strong political ideals, we don’t really get the point.  The only difference between a tax cut and a tax hike is a bottle of whiskey and a drunken competitive game of skee ball.  We feel the need to point out that we have no liberal agenda, and no conservative agenda, and we go so far out of our way to avoid taking sides on hot topic issues that we won’t even make jokes about abortions, since both sides react to those by throwing eggs at us, and we hate having to clean our fucking walls.

Why are we going out of the way to point out how politically neutral we are?  Because we’re going to direct our editorial, American venom towards a left-wing blog.  “Oh, AFFotD, that’s not cool, why would you pick on a Liberal blog?  There are insane Conservative blogs all over, saying all sorts of inflammatory shit.”  We know, dear reader, we understand your trepidation.  But you should know what this blog is called.

That’s right.

America Doomed.

Aww HELL no!  We’re ready to go all Mike Adams on your headass.  The gloves are off.  This is America we’re talking about, we need to defend it from eunuchs like this.

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American Presidential Home Brewers

“Gonna getchya drunk, bitches.”

~George Washington


We expect a lot from our Presidents.  Sign this bill, kill this terrorist, take a lengthy vacation, sign this other bill, cover up that murder committed by your cousin, give a presidential pardon to a turkey on Thanksgiving, it can be quite a chore.  And many American Presidents have had to find their own creative ways to let off some steam while on the job.  Richard Nixon had his voyeuristic taping habits.  Bill Clinton had chubby chicks.  Jimmy Carter would club homeless people over the head and trap them inside the drywall of houses made for the poor.

However, there is a little known Presidential hobby that is becoming increasingly popular, and results in a lot less collateral damage than Jimmy “My Kindly Southern Disposition Hides a Sinister Past” Carter.

That’s right.  Presidents like to brew beer.  USA!  USA!

“Osama’s dead!  I mean…beer!”

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Chewing Gum, Surprisingly American, Reliably Delicious

“Chewing gum is a lot like heroin, since both are incredibly enjoyable.”

~William S. Burroughs


 Chewing gum is an enigmatic American invention.  While it combines ancient history, American ingenuity, and tooth decay, it is not considered to be as awesomely American as alligator wrestling or cage matches (or any combination of the two).  But, in reality, chewing gum is an underappreciated yet surprisingly American commodity.

First, ask yourself a question.  Who makes chewing gum?  Wrigley’s of course.  And where do the Chicago Cubs, America’s most American loveable losers play?  Wrigley Field.

Did you know:  Those two are named after the same fucking guy.

Once you pick up the pieces of your exploded cranium, the America Fun Fact of the Day presents to you…

Chewing Gum:  More American than your immigrant grandparents

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