Tag Archives: Groceries

The Conspiracy Theorist’s Guide to Groceries

“Hatchets were invented by Aliens to trick the Navajo into alcoholism!”

~Francis Firegrove, AFFotD Conspiracy Theorist


A few months back we introduced you to one of our more…eccentric writers in the AFFotD office.  Francis Firegrove has some…well, interesting thoughts that thankfully are easy to ignore.  Hell, it livens up our lunch break to no end just watching Firegrove rung around swatting cantaloupes out of people’s hands screaming, “NO IT’S MADE OF LISTERIA!” (…wait what?  He’s actually right about that?  Haha, holy shit).

Of course, the problem with hiring a certified nutjob is that, on occasion, you have to…well, let him speak.  Contractually.  In retrospect, we don’t really know what we were on when we decided to add Firegrove to our staff…

Ha, oh right.

Well, either way, we might as well get this over with.  If we don’t get Firegrove an article each calendar month, he technically becomes the majority owner of AFFotD.  Yeah we don’t know the legality of that either, but this is the last time we’re writing a contract on the back of a Denny’s menu, we’ll tell you that.

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