“Oh, someone wants to have TOP Ramen? Well Lah Dee Dah, would you like me to park your limousine for you MR. ROCKEFELLER?”
~ALDI Customer
One of America’s chief exports is sustainable poverty, and we’re strictly responsible for coming up with numerous ways for people to go about “eating in an American fashion” without having to “pay money for ‘healthy’ food.” Our fast food restaurants have dollar menus that ensure you can hit your daily calorie intake without spending more than two dollars. We make individual donuts that have more fat than a twelve ounce steak. So while we might have to get inventive, and look to import in cheap ass food sources, make no mistake that the lower eight rungs of our society will flock to embrace them.
We’re talking, of course, about the discount supermarket chain, ALDI. A company with enough laughable generic food imitations that it’s remarkable to consider that it was founded and is headquartered in Germany.
But we’ll forgive them that one small fact for a delicious box of “Fruity Rice” cereal.
Haa, yes.
