“Don’t say it’s the musical. I swear to God, you’d better not say it’s the musical.”
It’s been a long, magical, pissing-off-a-lot-of-people-from-the-more-prideful-states ride, but here we are, in part 10 of our American States of America series, where we go through each and every state in this wonderful nation and tell you what we like most about them. And after this last segment, from Delaware to Hawaii, every state will have been represented (unless Puerto Rico finally sneaks into the Union, but we don’t know if that’s the best idea, simply because we’ve yet to find a true American who didn’t get nervous trying to count to a number higher than 50).
So it’s with a heavy liver heart that we end this segment. But don’t you worry, we’ll always be there for America, telling you all the best way to get drunk, or how you can make your cholesterol so high that anyone who takes your blood has to be diagnosed with heart disease. But until then, we have some final states to introduce.
“Who even gives a shit about August 26th being Women’s Equality Day, huh? What kind of bullshit is that?
~National Dog Day, which occurs on August 26th
As we saw in yesterday’s Fun Fact, Holidays are pretty cool. Even the lame holidays are fine in our book, so long as we get a day off from them. However, there are many holidays in America that you can get the day off in certain parts of the country, but not everywhere else, mainly because Alabama wants to act all douchey by giving a day off for “Confederacy Day.”
Yeah, that makes sense. “Oh, we lost a war, let’s reward ourselves with a day off from school.” That’d be like England taking a day off to celebrate losing the Revolutionary War, only the Brits would at least have the good sense to call it the, “Oh Blimey, We Bollocks Up the Wanker With This One” Day or whatever the fuck because everything that British people say sounds fucking ridiculous.
“Oh I hobgobbed the wobbler in the lift with the wassbots, blah blah Fish and Chips.” We’re pretty sure she just ordered a bomb strike on Grenada with that sentence.
With that in mind, AFFotD is here to continue our discussion of American Holidays, with a look at some of the more tenuous excuses to give people a day off from school around the nation. This list, as always will be in order of least American to most American. Continue reading
“Ha! Your meatloaf has ground up glass in it! April Fools’!”
~The World’s Best Prankster (now serving 25-to-life at a Federal Penitentiary)
Enjoy the seizures
The America Fun Fact of the Day office loves April Fools’. That probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to those of you who started reading while anxiously waiting for a terrifying monster face to pop up on the screen like those pranks that terrify little children on the youtube videos. You, the reader, don’t have to be too concerned about any pranks in today’s post of course- we save most of our energy messing with local law enforcement and personal enemies. Though, we did contaminate one batch of California grown spinach with a pretty nasty case of E. Coli, so next time you want to make spinach dip, and you start feeling like you need to go to the hospital, then April Fools’! Ha ha!
Is it worth the risk? Probably, that shit’s delicious
So don’t worry about being pranked while reading this, unless you’re reading this while peeling open a fresh naval orange (just one poisoned batch, that’s all it takes to panic the shit out of people). And the ambulances might be tied up, depending on where you are, since most of our local branches have been performing “Shit the Joker did in The Dark Knight” type “pranks” all day long, so the emergency crews are going to have their hands full. God, we love this day.
But we are not here to cause mischief to you, loyal readers. In fact, we’re here to give you…
The America Fun Fact of the Day Guide to April Fools’ Day: A History