ALDI Owns Trader Joe’s, Corners The Market On Cheap Food Knockoffs

“Oh, someone wants to have TOP Ramen?  Well Lah Dee Dah, would you like me to park your limousine for you MR. ROCKEFELLER?”

~ALDI Customer


One of America’s chief exports is sustainable poverty, and we’re strictly responsible for coming up with numerous ways for people to go about “eating in an American fashion” without having to “pay money for ‘healthy’ food.”  Our fast food restaurants have dollar menus that ensure you can hit your daily calorie intake without spending more than two dollars.  We make individual donuts that have more fat than a twelve ounce steak.  So while we might have to get inventive, and look to import in cheap ass food sources, make no mistake that the lower eight rungs of our society will flock to embrace them.

We’re talking, of course, about the discount supermarket chain, ALDI.  A company with enough laughable generic food imitations that it’s remarkable to consider that it was founded and is headquartered in Germany.

But we’ll forgive them that one small fact for a delicious box of “Fruity Rice” cereal.

Haa, yes.

The origins of ALDI trace back to 1913, with a store owned by the parents of two German brothers who would go on to turn ALDI into a global power, while making themselves the richest men in Germany.  We don’t care about Germans, however, so we’re going to focus on the American aspects of ALDI that truly highlight America’s ability to sacrifice quality for price, and we’ll also salute ALDI for being owners of the American-founded Trader Joe’s, which you might know as “that place with the good cheap wine.”  Yup, it’s owned by ALDI.  That blows our mind too.

“You mean to say…GERMANS are responsible for this wine hangover and these stained teeth?”

The beauty of ALDI is that every single possible shortcut is taken to ensure profitability.  The consumer has to bring their own bags, or pay to “buy” plastic or paper bags from the ALDI.  You have to bring a quarter with you to “unlock” the shopping carts.  Plus, you have to pay the cashiers a dollar every time you make fun of the name of a generic ALDI product made by “Millville.”

Totally worth it.

ALDI is where Walmart shoppers go when they can’t adhere to the dress code.  It’s also where hipsters go to ironically purchase low quality, low cost food products.  They’ll sell you “Pur Aqua” water, which is the finest Mineral Water Kenya has to offer, or Summit Cola, which costs 1/3 of what Coke costs.  And who are you to complain?

They even understand the American beauty of borderline illiteracy, making most of their generic products follow the same color scheme as more recognizable national brands, hoping that you’ll just assume it’s the same product.  Pretty sneaky, sis.


Well that’s not too…

Oh, but THAT is… yeah that’s pretty bad.

Haha, holy shit.

There are two types of Americans.  The Americans who shop at ALDI and those who wouldn’t dare shop at ALDI.  The latter group usually consists of Americans who have “jobs” and “want their cheese to be made out of milk.”  The former group sees Arizona Ice Tea for sale at an ALDI and finds themselves suspiciously surprised that it’s not called “Phoenix Iced Tea” or “South Dakota Iced Tea.”  ALDI is a company that would sell Tic Tacs spelled with a Q, and whose customers understand and accept that fact.

So fellow American, when you find yourself looking to get the lowest quality produce for the lowest cost, don’t feel ashamed to go to ALDI.  They will not be undersold.*

*This blog post made possible in part due to the generous donations from ALDI Einkauf GmbH & Co. oHGMay God have mercy on our souls.

25 thoughts on “ALDI Owns Trader Joe’s, Corners The Market On Cheap Food Knockoffs

  1. Pingback: BREAKING NEWS: Ramen Noodle Crisis Averted |

  2. I actually have a good job and save lots of money by shopping at Aldi’s some of the food is actually better than the high priced supermarkets!! The laugh is on you!!

  3. Undoubtedly you are a Republican. American poor eat much better with this great alternative to high prices in most grocery stores. I find almost all products as good or better than name or store brands. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to pay high priced supermarket prices and still make ends meet, and even if they could who doesn’t love a bargain? It’s just foolish not to take advantage of good and reasonably prices alternatives.

  4. You are really missing out on some good stuff. I have some pretty sensitive taste buds that think the food is equal to or better than the big chains. I also have a great job but love saving money. You sound like a bitter teenager that is too embarrassed to buy off brand things.

  5. Honest question, Americans: Is there an ALDI social media team that googles for websites headlined with grizzley bears toting shotguns so they can leave eerily similar comments with talking points of “I have a good job, but still shop here” and “I think much of it is on par with ‘big chains'”? We have jobs too, and we still buy Steel Reserve to get us through cold winters nights, we just don’t pretend it’s Sam Adams.

  6. I don’t think anyone is pretending that what they buy at ALDI is name brand. I have a job and I am a full time student. I shop at ALDI’s all the time and I love the bargain it offers. It also offers me the options to eat a meal with fruit and vegetables. I am not pretending that every product at this store is great but most are just as good as the name brand. I actually like the cost saving methods such as bringing a reusable bag (which is environmentally friendly) and putting up my own cart.

  7. How are eggs any different from one store to another? I get eggs at Aldi for $1.29 or you can pay $2.99 – $3.99 at the other store. I reuse my bags and sure enough, I get my quarter back when I return the shopping carriage. I just don’t see the point in paying more money for the same basic foods. As others here have mentioned, the food quality is just as good or better at Aldi then the over priced stores. I’ve liked about 90 – 95% % of the food items I have tried at Aldi, So I will continue to shop and save there. Then again I love Trader Joe’s too. I work hard for my money so I try to keep as much of it as possible.

  8. What’s all this bullshit about I have a good job and shop at aldi’s …..why are you all saying this cause your ashamed of going there? Tell the truth and who cares if u have a good job? Aldi’s takes food stamps and cash etc the stamps go into cash by the state so they make a lot off of the poor like me to…..but I’m honest and aldi’s and Ido not care if you have a good job or not because those food stamps from the poor and there is lots of us …….do go into cash and make aldi”s just as rich as you do…….and really c’ mMon who are you kidding if ya really had a lot of money you would not be at aldi’s……they know that as so as the rich know that…….!!!!!😂🙌

  9. I purchase many items at Aldis, and some are better than name brand and most equal except the price. I actually have a very good paying job, but still shop for good values. I don’t buy all my food there, but a fair amount. I am especially thrilled with Aldis new line of USDA certified organics under simply nature label. The prices are great, and much healthier than pesticide, gmo laden, and processed sugar beet products found in Kellogg, General mills, Coca-Cola, quaker. and other leading food poisoning companies. I suggest that the author of this article educate themselves about what is really in their name brand foods. Look up all the ingredients that you can not pronounce and see what you are eating. Many of the additives are banned in Europe, yet the exact same product in American products allow it.

  10. “Fun facts” indeed. Truth be damned. Aldi has decent stuff at good prices. Of course there’s always the caveat emptor factor, but that’s true at Whole Paycheck er… Foods as well.

    BTW I’m a CEO, probably make tons more money than you, and still like to shop at Aldi. And oh yeah, ALL my employees have health 8insurance.

    • hahahahaha, 8insurance. HAAHAHAHA

      By the way, you readers can’t see this, but this guy listed his email address as “” which is the funniest fucking email address we could imagine for someone missing the point of a fucking article while extolling the benefits of Aldi. Someone with a fake email address of NYC CEO saying “I am a CEO and make more money than you” is the most “I’m on the internet I am allowed to lie anonymously” thing that we’ve probably ever seen. And the fact that it’s an AOL account, which we’re pretty sure hasn’t even existed since 1999 (feel free to respond and say “NO AOL STILL HAS EMAIL” completely missing the fucking point of the joke, similarly to your response to this article) is just icing on the cake.

      Fucking 8insurance. Hahaha, you fucking clown.

  11. Pingback: ALDI: Revisited and Re-reviewed | affotd

  12. Our family started shopping at Aldi about 6 months ago after 20+ years of shopping at the local fresh market, Jewel-Osco, Dominick’s, and Mariano’s. We have cut our weekly food shopping bill in half, and we find that 90% of the off-brand products are as good if not better than the national brand equivalents. I am a serious cook and I’m very finicky about my produce, meats, and other ingredients. I LOVE Aldi and would never go back to doing our weekly shopping at the other stores. Once in a while I still have to go to the fresh market to find specific produce items or fresh herbs, but it’s a small price to pay for the 50% savings. If this food snob can learn to love Aldi, anyone can!

  13. Funny the slam against republicans. I live In a very liberal university town where all the progressives shop at the big name supermarket to make sure that they get their fill of the proper organics. None of them would stoop to shop at Aldi or WalMart. I on the other hand make a very good living and believe in saving and would consider myself a conservative. Our Aldi is clean, quiet, the staff is polite and I enjoy going there. The meat quality is excellent and staple foods are great. I have tried most of their cereals and chips and they are fine. It save a lot of money. Money which means that someday I won’t need to be a burden to society or my kids. It also teaches my kids that in spite of a well compensated professional father that if they don’t have jobs that pay what mine does, frugality means that they can live comfortably. I teach them to live like their neighbors and a lot of my neighbors shop at Aldi. I have a lot of respect for people on food stamps shopping there because they are making sound financial decisions and respecting the funds that taxpayers generate. I see a lot of EBT card use at the big name store and at twice the costs of Aldi for chips and pop it tells me that the people shopping there are not making sound choices. So all in all I am thankful that we have Aldi as a choice. I am always surprised at elitists that slam market choices. If people like shopping there why not thank the market that gives them that choice? Why would you care where other people shop?

  14. This article is pure lies. Was this webpage written by Walmart? Aldi used to sell crap back in the 1980s, but now sells high quality food. A lot of their food is imported from Germany, Italy, or Switzerland. Like the author saying the mineral water is from Kenya shows this whole article is nothing but lies. Their mineral water comes from Italy. They have chips that are certified non GMO. They sell cereal that is whole grain and no synthetic colors. Like I said, their food is very high quality and very low priced. I’m not sure what the motive of the author was to make up total lies and even say Aldi is for people that get kicked out of Walmart for dress code violations. Pure lies and propaganda. I’m sure she got paid by grocery chain to write a lying hit piece on Aldi, because they can’t compete with them on price or quality.

    • Oh and Aldi has tons of empty boxes for customers to put their groceries in. Obviously the author has never stepped foot in one or she would have known that. She must be the Americans that would never dare step foot in an Aldi. She makes it obvious. And the quarter you put in to get a shopping cart you get back when you return the cart. Sams Club doesn’t have sacks for customers either, but I don’t hear the author complaining about that. I think the author actually has a problem with Aldi because it’s German owned and not some Mexican, Brazilian, Indian, or some other 3rd world chain grocery store.

      • Talk about libel……your whole article is nothing but libel against Aldis. Saying their mineral water is from Kenya is an outright lie and you know it. I hope they sue you. Maybe their lawyers need to be aware of this webpage.

      • Sure me for what? A question? What do you think we live in the Soviet Union where you don’t have freedom of speech? Libel my ass. Shows what an ass clown you are. There’s no libel there. I didn’t say they wrote it, I asked if they did. Besides Walmart is a public figure and doesn’t have the same protection that a private citizen would have. Okay F. Lee Bailey?

  15. Aldi is awesome. I buy organic produce from them when available. Try that at Walmart! Its as good as what you find in any other mainstream market but at a much cheaper price. The frozen fruit which I readily use for smoothies are fresh to frozen with no preservatives. I don’t mind not being provided plastic bags because I just use the empty boxes around the store and carry to the car. Small ways of helping out the environment. I also heard they start their employees out with a much higher pay rate than others. I don’t remember exactly to quote but it caught my attention.
    The writer of this post has too much time on there hands to be bashing Aldi. Just remember that over in other countries like Germany, they wouldn’t eat half of the stuff we have on our store shelves. That’s because there is a lot of foods that are available here which are banned elsewhere. We got to do better.

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