Six of the Strangest Erotica E-Book Genres On the Internet


~Your Genitals

naked party with the dj

Sex—it’s a thing people have sometimes.  It’s also a thing that we tend to obsess over—when the cave men first realized they could draw representations of themselves on their walls the first thing they pretty much figured how to doodle was crude pictures of Ps going into Vs.  And as society has advanced, and pornography and erotica have become more common, our nation constantly finds itself trying harder (heh) to create some smut content that truly exists outside the mainstream.

Let’s face it—the internet is a massive pit filled with every single combination of naked writhing bodies you can imagine, which really leaves only one market available to explore the truly twisted and, well, fucking weird aspects of our own warped sexual impulses.  The Amazon Erotica Kindle section.

So we’ve had our writers slog through one of the weirder corners of the internet and have absolutely wrecked our internet history in order to tell you about six genres of Kindle Erotica that are, apparently, in freakishly high demand.  Because for some people, reading about sex that doesn’t involve BDSM shapeshifting dinosaur stepfather billionaires is basically the same thing as going to church.

Six of the Strangest Erotica E-Book Genres On the Internet

 a horse well you know the rest


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The National League Blacklisting of 1881

“Listen, we’re just sort of winging this as we go along.”

~1800s Major League Baseball Commissioners


We’ve been talking a lot about baseball in the past several months, which comes as a bit of a surprise considering that the sport is a topic we have very rarely discussed over the past four years.  Yes, it’s America’s Pastime, but it’s also kind of boring from an outside perspective.  But we stumbled upon something when looking up the silliest Major League Baseball team names that we could find during their early years—before baseball was a bankable commodity, they pretty much let anyone pick up a bat and play for (not much) money.  That led to crazy ballplayers, goofy names, and that one time where a guy got paid a full professional baseball salary to show up to an empty stadium every day and play himself in a disbanded league.

Baseball during the 19th, and somewhat during the start of the 20th, century was at times hilariously inept, completely marginalized, and interesting as fuck.  So we’re going to look into our high tech time machine (read as: Googling shit while drunk) to bring you another chapter from the early annals of America’s most interesting sport that involves players standing still for the majority of each game.

The National League Blacklisting of 1881

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Otto Frederick Rohwedder and the Invention of Sliced Bread

“It’s the greatest invention since sliced bread.”

~Literally every single salesperson you have ever met, every goddamn one

 sliced bread

We take a lot of the simple things in our lives for granted.  That’s just human nature—if something doesn’t look difficult, or inherently present itself as some technological triumph, we tend to assume that these have always existed.  We can marvel at the technology behind, say, a smart phone, but overlook the fact that the first calculator was made in 1959, looked like this, and was able to compute less than your smart phone’s calculator app.

We’re going about this in a roundabout way, but the moral here is that many assume sliced bread has been around since, oh, roughly the same time as bread and knives co-existed, when in reality it’s a 20th century phenomenon.  Yes, sliced bread was first packaged and sold in 1928, and it is an American invention.  Specifically, by an enterprising Midwesterner who devoted over ten years of his life to designing and perfecting a machine to slice whole loaves of bread at once to ensure that we would forever be able to take an arduous step out of the process of making toast and sandwiches.  That man, nay, that hero, was Otto Frederick Rohwedder, and this is his story.

Otto Frederick Rohwedder and the Invention of Sliced Bread

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The Most Hilarious Debut Film Appearances of Famous Actors

“Mom, do you want my green stuff?”

~Matt Damon’s Actual First Line of Dialogue in a Film, Ever

matt damon mystic pizza

Outside of winning the lottery or having a trust fund, success typically is earned through hard work and dedication.  You have to start from somewhere.  That’s most easily noticeable in the careers of actors, who work their way up to reach stardom and, as a result, tend to have some strange and unusual roles in their early acting days.  For as much as gossip magazine try to emphasize “Stars go grocery shopping, JUST LIKE US!” they’re probably better off demonstrating that sentiment by, say, showing Ben Affleck do a Burger King commercial before he got famous.  Even the actors who seemingly broke out of nowhere had to put in their dues, and that American quality for hard work is something we support, even when we go out of our way to find the most embarrassing early career film choices of famous people in order to poke fun at them.

So let’s find the most embarrassing early career film choices of famous people in order to make fun of them.

The Most Hilarious Debut Film Appearances of Famous Actors

lindsay lohan jello

Okay, now that’s just kicking someone when they’re down.

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A Brief History of Animals Getting Drunk

“I’m not as officer as you drunk I am *starts mauling police officer*”

~A Drunk Monkey

 mice with wine

Humans separate themselves from the rest of the animal kingdom through their advanced culture, their intellectual pursuits, and their appreciation of Shark Week.  Sure, there might be more to the difference between man and beast, but at the end of the day, many creatures on this planet are a lot like us, only much tastier.  It’s this disconnect between our similarities and differences with the animal world that finds us constantly striving to anthropomorphize pets and wild creatures—you put a sweater on your severely overheated poodle and it’s cute, because he thinks he’s people.  We like seeing animals “act human” but it’s typically pretty forced.  Yes, that is a cute YouTube video of a dog walking on its hind legs, but that’s just because he was incessantly trained to do that.  But there is one area where, with minimal human interference, animals are just like us.

They like to get drunk.

So, we will take a momentary break from our established credo of “Fuck Nature” to give our furry animal friends a break, and talk about how they like to get shitcanned drunk, just like us.  Granted, if some of you take that to the logical conclusion that the alcohol probably makes these cute little critters taste even better, we won’t stop you.

A Brief History of Animals Getting Drunk

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Even More of the Goofiest Baseball Player Names of the 19th Century


~Official Memo Sent To Staff Regarding Part 2 Of Our Goofy Baseball Names Articles

cannonball titcomb

We’ve sprinkled our site over the past few weeks with articles about baseball players from the 19th century with silly names.  Pretty simple, really—back when baseball was hardly a sport, it was filled with colorful characters and a whole slew of people who went by their old-timey nicknames, leading to a perfect storm of historically recognized baseball players with names that we find hilarious.  It’s a simple concept, but sometimes the world needs simple articles, about simple things, like grown men who went by the name Pussy Tebeau.

Even More of the Goofiest Baseball Player Names of the 19th Century

old time baseball

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The World’s Saddest Cuisines: Latvia

“This is what you guys eat for dinner?  Great, now I’m hungry AND sad.”

~Tourists in Latvia

 latvian food

America, in case you didn’t get the memo, is better than all the rest of you wannabe country motherfuckers out there.  That’s just a basic truth, and if you disagree with it you’re either French or one of those jerkwads that writes those magazine articles about “happiness indexes.”  Why is America great?  Our education and health care system?  Okay, don’t be a sarcastic asshole, we’re asking a serious question here.  Well, many of you shouted all sorts of great things, like freedom, whiskey, and we’re pretty sure we heard someone shout “the world’s largest charcoal grill in Magnolia, Arkansas” which, um, that’s definitely unique but hey we’ll give it to you.

But if you ask us, of the many, many aspects of America we truly love, there’s one that tends to take a special place in our heart.  Well, yes, booze, but we’re talking about something that has a special place in our heart because it’s physically lodged there.  That’s right, America’s tradition of culinary excellence.  We make amazing food!  Horrifically unhealthy, sure, but amazing nonetheless.

Which is what brings us to our latest series here at AFFotD.  While America is clearly the pinnacle of the food world (sit down and shut up, France) there are other countries whose national cuisines, the food they grew up eating out of a sense of identity and history, are…well, pretty depressing.  So we’re going to take some time to tell you about countries who don’t just do food worse than us, they do food worse in us in a way that we don’t even want to make fun of them for it, we just feel kind of bad for the poor guys.  Plus, we’re totally going to make fun of them.

The World’s Saddest Cuisines:  Latvia

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Every Air Force One in American History

“Get off my plane.”

~Indiana Jones

air force one

Outside of children who are big fans of those Planes movies, nowhere in American society is a single aircraft more iconic than Air Force One.  When we fly our President around, we fly him in style, in a cutting-edge jet that can survive a direct blast from a nuclear bomb and is exclusively piloted by Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.  Okay, neither of those things are true, but Air Force One is so mythic that a decent handful of you absolutely took us for our word there.

Air Force One is an American icon, both over and underappreciated at the same time.  So we decided to take a moment to sit you down (you are sitting, right?) and tell you about the history of our President’s super expensive charter jet.  And since we’re feeling generous, we’ll just let you know about every Air Force One plane that has ever existed, partly because we like to be as thorough as we can when it comes to discussing presidential aircraft, but mainly because we want as many excuses to post scenes from the movie Air Force One on our site.

Every Air Force One in American History

harrison ford as the motherfucking president Continue reading

America’s Official* 2015 NLCS Preview

“Trust us, it’s much more exciting when you’ve gotten a few drinks in you.”

~MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred


Baseball is America’s pastime, mainly because it was the first sport to establish itself here so it kind of called dibs.  It’s the same reason why we call the moon the “Neil Armstrong Sphere in the Sky” but we’re willing to allow it because baseball has given us a rich history that’s tied to everything we love about being American, included but not limited to 19th century pitchers getting kicked off their team for pitching a game drunk and then leaving the stadium with prostitutes.

In the modern era, however, baseball tends to fall by the wayside in terms of popularity when compared to your more concussiony sports out there.  Part of it is the fact that baseball is, at its heart, a 3 hour event with a pace of play that we would be generous in describing as “cerebral.”  A day out at the ballpark is a right of passage for Americans, and a relaxing way to get shitfaced on beers while eating whatever the fuck the stadium tries to toss your way, but everything sort of melds together in a season of 162 games where your team is almost always playing.  It’s a grind, and many would rather watch 16 high-importance games played out over a season than a thousand innings where even historically good teams can count on losing 60 games while their fans who have shitty tastes in food shout to anyone that can hear them about how they, not you, are the Best Fans In Baseball™.

All that changes in the playoffs, however, when stakes are raised and the sport that we grew up mumbling “yeah I guess I like it” about actually becomes one of the best sources of sports drama in all of America.  So, in a rare case of being super topical, we’re going to give you a preview of the National League Championship Series between the New York Mets and the Chicago Cubs.  For those of you who root for the American League, well fuck off we’re not doing a preview for that series because the Blue Jays are not American and if we wanted to write about Canadian professional sports we’d become a hockey blog.

So now, without further adieu…

America’s Official* 2015 NLCS Preview

cubs mets

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More of the Goofiest Baseball Player Names Of The 19th Century

“Heh, guys, remember Dickie Flowers?  AHHH HA HA HA.”

~AFFotD Editor-in-Chief, Johnny Roosevelt

old school baseball

A few weeks back, we posted an article where we dug around the annals of Major League Baseball lore for the all-important purpose of laughing at silly names.  And ho boy, were there a lot of silly names to be found.  So many in fact that we couldn’t stick with just a single article.  Yes, there are more names that, either by a lack of parental foresight or the wanton cruelty of their teammates, are hilarious to our perpetually adolescent minds.  Sure, a lot of them are nicknames, but this was during a time where a player’s nickname actually went on his box score.  These people are remembered by as having these names, which we find delightful, because these names are goofy as shit.

More of the Goofiest Baseball Player Names Of The 19th Century

he's SAFE

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