“hahaha ohhh he said it!”
~Adoring Las Vegas crowds
It’s been a while since you’ve heard from the crew at America Fun Fact of the Day. Part of that is that we’ve been busy working on a reality TV show called “Inside The Lives Of Real Americans” which we got fired from after we went through the entire liquor budget that TLC allowed in two days. And part of that is that, after getting fired, we decided to spend some time in Las Vegas.
“But why Las Vegas, and why am I here as a flimsy humor article rhetorical construct?” you might be screaming at the computer, possibly while soiling yourself. “And seriously, if you’re going to put words in my mouth, please don’t make me seem like some deconstructed ruin of where humanity can fail” you might add while smashing frozen tater tots into a waffle iron and serving the end result on the last clean T-shirt that you own, which happens to be a Pearl Jam Summer Tour 1997 shirt.
But to answer the question of this shambling mess of a human being which we’ve apparently decided to fictitiously create to embody you, the reader, why wouldn’t we go to Las Vegas? It has everything. There are alcoholic drinks that come in glasses a yard long, nothing ever closes, you get free drinks for legally gambling, and you can solicit the services of a prostitute and come to the conclusion that you can never undo the things that you’ve done, and that doesn’t bother you because you’re dead inside.
And, of course, there is the 10PM show of “The New Mr. Las Vegas” himself, George Wallace, at The Flamingo every night. We realized that this man knew comedy in a way that we could only dream of, and we can’t think of a better way to pay him tribute than to give him his very own fun fact, stealing/recycling his jokes so the world can appreciate him without having to pay $30 in Vegas.
George Wallace Has His Mess Right